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Within every "failed attempt," something good comes forth, whether we realize it or not. It often takes a little time to manifest itself, but it is there in ways we can't fully understand at the time. In other words, no sincere effort is ever wasted.

We can all spend a lot of time thinking about things in the past (a realm in which we can do nothing to change,) or mutter about any number of things we're displeased with presently, but the thing to remember is that it is we,the thinkers, who determine those thoughts, floating haphazardly in our minds. No one drills a hole in our brain and pours thoughts in. WE allow which thoughts to entertain or bounce out...and we can do so by using our own brand of censorship. Nothing about the past can be done, unless there is some means of making a wrong right, but we can control the present moment. My little trick is this..."If it's a thought that troubles me, I imply say...O.K. I see you!!, followed by a fervent 'Goodbye!'" With negative irksome thoughts that plague me through and through, I counter with a "So what?" which allows some positive thoughts to take their place. The older I get, the wiser I get,...happy to say, but the older I get, the less time I have, so I truly want that time to be productive instead of wasted musing over whatever I think I missed, or could have done differently. I/We really are the gatekeeper of our own little brain's domicile. Why choose dark over light, while we still breath in and out? The choice is ours to make!

My husband, Tom Hardy, was loved by so many people, because he had a natural way of making people laugh. He never set himself up to be a "comic," he was simply a joyful guy who enjoyed making people feel good. His life as an attorney was pretty serious, but he could usually find some humor in most situations, so if his quips didn't generate a hearty laugh, they often caused a smile. I was the beneficiary of such a bright light for over 64 years, and I smile every single time I think of him. What a legacy for one to leave.

So glad I took the time to read about vows. Yes, I have kept my marriage vows all through the 64 years of wedded bliss I was blessed to experience, and they were easy to keep. I can't remember making any "vow" other than those, at least knowingly, or intentionally. I've set goals, and I have valued truth. I've tried "to put other people first" and to be a loyal friend, but practiced those things without thinking of them as vows. The seriousness of making a vow and diligently striving to keep it, is pretty major. I'd have to give a lot of thought before making one. I see a huge difference between a vow and an intention. Intentions are easy. Some of mine have been met and others not, unfortunately, but with no great consequence. A vow, however, is much more serious. I like the thought of the possibility of making one, so I'll start with that. I can see where keeping a vow could be transforming . It would require single-minded will power...at least for me.

We take so much for granted during our lives...a hug from a loved one, for instance. Lose that possibility and you find yourself wishing for one more hug, one more kiss, one more smile. Once, after an argument over who knows what and the silent treatment punishment I delivered, he asked: "Do you love me?" "Yes, I answered." "Then why do you want to waste even one day of our lives together?" he responded. That broke me of one nasty habit of silence over nothing...so petty it cannot be remembered. Nothing lasts forever, including our breath. That's where the wisdom of "the present moment" comes in. I should have learned that as a child, which would have made me more discerning and aware of what life is all about. It's all about even the littlest of decisions we make while we live.

Rather late in reading this, but I found it fascinating. What an experience...to observe the body absent a head! I didn't know a person can really stop thinking. That brain of mine spends too much time on worthless thoughts...the past incidents, the present problems, the must do's and the "I will not do's." seem to be incessant. All in all, the amazing experience Douglas had was certainly a major gift. Thanks to him for sharing something that could even happen to any of us under the right circumstances. I will never get to view that mountainous scene of ultimate serenity, but it's good to know that something similar might happen even to me at some unexpected place down the road of Life.

Just a comment: We are so often reminded to "Put others first." We're told to remember we "I's" are really a "We." This may be true for the most part, but there really is something beautiful about "I," for I make decisions with every moment of my life. I have made good one and not so good, but I am responsible for dealing with everything important and unimportant in my life. I choose to see the beauty of life and the not so beautiful. I can be happy and I can be sad. I can make sense of things. I can read musings such as yours and be enriched. I can write or note, or just think about writing it. You have made me think about "I" and how I came to be "Me." Thank you!! !

"One of the wisest souls you know" should write his memoir. Encourage that, please, because there are so many prisoners who could benefit from it, along with the members of his family. I, too, have a friend serving a life sentence. While wise and good, I'm not sure how spiritual she is. Please contact me if your friend has something she can read. Thank you, Anthony

Everyone going through the stages of Alzheimer Disease would do well to read this article. It's a situation for which there is no cure. One simply has to stand by watching the disintegration of a loved one. It's a beyond sad process that can only be endured. One step at a time, one glimmer of joyful moments, which can come at any time, is the only way walk this journey. There can be no "Why me?" attitude, because there is no answer to that question. "Why anybody?" is more like it. So, you are correct. All these sour experiences in life are what life is all about, as much as the good times we face in life. Better to always look for the silver lining, because it is there to be seen, and you can see them even through tears.

I have amazing memories of my childhood. I can recount them and even see them in my mind today. I assumed for a long time that most people can remember such meaningful events, but I have learned that isn't always so. Many of my memories are unpleasant, but not all of them. I think the stressful times have made me less strong interiorly. I can put up a good facade when necessary, but I know the damage to my inner core has lasted my whole life. I have countered it successfully, for the most part, but the truth is that those painful moments have left me vulnerable. Because I have such vivid memories, I've often thought I should write a book about them, simply to alert parents that their actions regarding their children shapes those youngsters more than they know. For example, any violence toward one another or their child could leave a lasting scar. A dysfunctional family is detrimental to the development of children who witness physical or emotional battles. Verbal assaults, as well as physical, have long-lasting effects. You might think he or she is too young to remember, but that is surely debatable. Too much pressure, too much anger and too much dictating or forcing will undermine the wholeness of your youngsters.

I never felt clever, and I'm not sure I've ever felt so bewildered as I am today due to the loss of my husband's well-being. A battle with Alzheimer Disease has diminished him greatly, and he was one always wise. He always knew the right way to think and act. He was a rock, and it's hard to live without him in totality. The lesson I derive is to try to emulate the way I saw him maneuver through life's difficulties. If bewilderment means feeling lost, weakened, and bereft, then I am bewildered, but I am trying my best to do the right things. When we have lost our North Star, difficulties are not easy to navigate.

I watched those "never knew what birds they were until today" amazing acrobats in the sky!

Maybe it's time for some truth. Your friend might not realize how repetitive she has become, and how such negativity helps no one. There are cruel losses in life, but life must go forward with an abiding sense of hope that better times will come. To become so mired in your own grief that you can think of nothing else benefits no one. Honoring a loved one's memory with kindness toward others is restorative. What was it that the lost one would have desired in his life? Figure that out, then help someone else's aspirations come true in honor of the beloved son who was denied the chance to achieve his goals. Just some thoughts that might help your friend go on with the life in a positive manner, rather than drown herself in a sea of grief.

No matter how little your "kind deed" may be, it will have an impact on the receiver in some way, maybe never forgotten. Jo G. and I worked together. She was much older than I at the time she presented me with a small mother of pearl circle pin out of the blue. It wasn't a holiday or a birthday, it was just a sweet gesture. I no longer have the pin, except in my memory, but I have cherished them both, Jo and her gift, all the days of my 84 years!! Just keep "giving" in some small way or large way, and we will all benefit in ways we never know.

A quirky little incident...As I was taking a morning walk, I was jolted by something which suddenly fell on the top of my head. It was a small little pebble. Too small to hurt, it just made me laugh. I had been thinking about a deceased friend of mine known for his journalistic skills and sense of humor. "Must be Charley," I thought, "letting me know he still has his sense of humor." I saved it for the longest time as a reminder that sweet things can happen when we least expect it.

Very important lesson. When we say something we deem to be very important, it’s painful not to be heard, but words are seeds, so there is hope!!!

My imagination is rusty, but I go on with life in the last chapter still hoping that God will finally open eyes of the powerful that my friend, Nancy Seaman, never a threat to society, will be released from prison after 20 years of an unjust life-sentence. I imagine that I still have time "to get things in order." I imagine happy endings and fascinating new beginnings we can only imagine.

Reading this again, I'm wondering how Brian's son is doing today. I know what it is like to be haunted by actions of the past, and I guess most of us experience "haunting." This is such a powerful piece of literature. I hope Brian has gone forward with his writing, and I hope his son is doing even better than expected.

I can't say I have ever had such a life-changing experience or awakening, but I loved reading about his. What a beautiful change of consciousness and a new way of thinking and living. Seek and ye shall find your real self!! Thanks for sharing your profound story, Drew Lanham!

All very good suggestions. Thank you, Mola Samba. When you discover the answer to your 3 questions, I hope you share them.