Before my divorce I poured life and love into my home, for my children to grow up in. When they left home my husband and I built the big straw bale house and retreat centre that was going to provide for the rest of our lives. It proved easy enough to leave my husband when it was the right time to do so, but the house took a long time to mourn. Now I have flipped a couple more houses. Ones I have poured my heart and labour into renovating and making into wonderful homes. But I never consider them treasure or something to hold onto. They are worth restoring and lovingly filling with light and energy for whoever lives in them again. Even the land belongs to whoever enjoys it. This leaves me room to evolve and learn to let go over and over.
Hmmm Alone is a tricky word. It is in my coming to terms with being alone and responsible for my life, and how I live it, that I have found the greatest ease and freedom to be myself. Even in partnership with a great human I am especially alone in my process and choices. I used to hover in places where I needed constant reassurance. Ain’t was a lot of baggage not taking hold of my aloneness. However, I am very aware of how I am held in spirit by the energy around me. The birds, the trees, the doorknob, the door... they do speak to me when I am connected. I even have a pretty great angel that has communicated warning and solace along my days. Words.... they can define and confine at the same time. Ah to be a spirit on a human journey.
In my experience, it is from my deepest moments of despair that I have been lifted to a pure feeling of true love. I think this is why many claim that guardian angels are with us. God, or whatever your word for this love may be, is present at these potent moments as well as in the joyful experiences of bliss for me. Sudden loss of a young friend, end of a long marriage because of addiction and mental illness, unexpected loss of a life I thought I was living.... Through all of my ups and downs the certainty of connectedness becomes my compass for life. Love is more and more present between myself and all sentient beings. We all suffer, we all can tap into love and heal. My fear of the worst that might happen here on earth is substituted for confidence that with love we will all rally and be there for our neighbours and kin in potent love and compassion. Shared suffering is maybe the most potent love of all.