Just realised recently, as a parent and partner, my absurd self-sacrificing heroics is what has got my sense of self into trouble, trying to fix it for everyone in a transactional dynamic that leads to fantasy of return on investment rather than being kind to myself and by extension others, Put down the boulder. Stop trying to please and simply be, it is not all my responsibility nor is it all my fault. So yes its n ot about doing the right thing it is about doing the kind thing.
Wisdom to resonate with the suffering of another (literally the meaning of com passion) is borne of innate and cultivated wholeheartedness.
After a week meditation on kindness I find myself on a 1st class train carriage due to a problem with the previous train. I am not alone. There are the "1st class" passengers and some drunk, nervously aggressive football fans who are poking fun at an elderly women wearing a kennel club blazer and comforting 3 over-groomed neurotic lap dogs arranged like ornaments on the carriage table.
Now normally I would confront them, appealing to a common masculinity to leave "her" alone, a risky and possibly aggressive strategy. Resonating with the kindness cultivated on the retreat, spontaneously I go and sit in front of her and begin to ask her about the dogs. The football fans leave her alone now she has company and she is reassured that she is not alone. We spend a pleasant couple of hours talking dogs and dog shows until it is time for her to leave the train, waving her goodbyes from the platform. Resonates with the suffering of another, the wisdom of compassion.
On Aug 29, 2016 James Smith wrote on Taking a Stand, by Lynne Twist:
Two companies are merging I'm in the "bigger" one. I'm told that to create a new team I will need to interview all internal candidates to align them to their roles. I find out days before the interview this is a ruse to get rid of the "smaller" companies employee who is "problematic" and has "an attitude problem" which is short hand for she is standing her ground to retain the terms and conditions of her contract. I refuse to connive in the grand plan pointing out that this is unethical and contrary to the long term interest of the company who could find themselves on shaky ground in terms of labour law.
The CEO rounds on me accusing me of disloyalty; again I reiterate I have everyone's best interest at heart, including the company's. The interviews do not go ahead and the employee eventually leaves due to the hostile environment where trust is a stranger. The company's external lawyer is later consulted and my position is confirmed that this would have been a costly exercise for the company in terms of litigation and also reputation in the labour market.
The next opportunity to pay me off the CEO take great pleasure in telling me due to cutbacks he has to let me go. To this day that is the defining moment when I refused to be compromised and it has given me the resolve to stand up to bullying and bad management ever since. No pain no gain!