The question I end up having to ask myself is if any good will result from what I want or don't want to say or do. There is often not a wise, loving external voice in the moment to convince me that my discomfort is necessary or transformative, and that I am on the right path. Spiritual teachings contain wisdom and educate and soothe one side of the brain, and help us through hard times where there can be no knowing of how things will turn out, by softening the hard facts that the other side of the brain sees and must acknowledge to survive.
I try to follow the Dalai Lama and be kind, especially when I don't feel like it. A lot of what people do in the world makes absolutely no logical sense. Fate will deliver its blows or heat, or learning to all of us regardless. Our nation is at an apex of that kind of experience right now. It is often the kindness or caring of others that makes life bearable, and keeps from aggravating the wounds in unnecessary ways that will be remembered, and make things worse.
Often it takes years to realize and be grateful for what I remember as painful episodes in my life and the learning or benefits I got from it. For which I am at this point grateful, but it does not make them feel glorious. It also takes a lifetime to remember all the kindnesses from extended family and friends that buffered existence from the worst of what could have happened. For me those memories of generosity and kindness are the gold of old age. There is so much I cannot know. Sometimes joy or satisfaction follows persevering. Sometimes I just have to cry from exhaustion and know I did the best I could do. And wait.
On Apr 1, 2025 Lynn wrote :