What event or moment has been a pivotal turning point in your life? More so than any other time in life, the week my brother was admitted to the ICU was the moment where I "grew up." He had been having more than 15 seizures a day and December 26th, 2006 something just felt wrong, and we drove him to the good hospital downtown.
I was at the cusp of coming into my own as a senior in college, and while I didn't know it at the time, in hindsight, in that ICU I found the fine balance that is our walk in life. That moments exist where time stops and then slips from under us; we float. That dogged optimism and unflinching hope lifts our collective spirits. That making hopes happen is messy -- we push, cry, persevere, and make mistakes. That barriers melt and we connect with grace when we ask for help with our hearts wide open. That the warmth in someone's voice can linger in our hearts. That the hurry and clinical indifference can linger also, often more strongly. That when the stakes are high, I don't waver. That I could be my family's glue, scaffolding, and translator. That I held it together, even when I was sometimes breaking on the inside but that in breaking I was building. That fear -- terrifying, gripping fear -- is real and never something to renounce or apologize for, ever. That incessant as it may feel, my curiosity would stay untamed because that instinct stopped a nurse from making a big mistake in my brother's medication. That I would never hesitate to challenge or to question. That to survive and to thrive, we must meet others where they are. That sometimes the most unlikely of people can notice the light inside each of us.
To advocate for my brother (and for everything and everyone else I believe in) I would be a relentless fighter -- but one that was full of love, patience, and the understanding that things will at times be hard and imperfect.
My brother.
A few moments come to mind immediately, each with enduring lessons or shifts.
--Bindu, a young, sprightly teenage girl, grabbed my hair and braided it for me in the middle of rural Bihar after chiding me for how disheveled I looked.
--The purest, most sincere generosity with which the women at Gramshree, a women's cooperative in Ahmedabad, would share their lunches with me each day on the kitchen floor and then would implore me to share a meal in their homes after work, in the slum across the street from the cooperative.
--The Sunday manager at our local gym in Houston, a gentle giant of sorts, who enabled my brother to access swim lessons in a way that worked for him.
--Witnessing Dr. Neal, the former head of a transformational school for children with neurological differences, embody servant leadership. When a group of students were visiting from India, he wiped tables, locked the doors of the school very late at night, drove a bus himself to take them home at night, all while having the kids in uproarious laughter despite only knowing one Gujarati word (abhar).
--A friend of two decades who still came to the airport to pick me up at 1:30AM despite a 12 hour delay with my flight
--When family and friends have startled me with their vote of confidence and belief in me. Immediately a feeling strikes me deep in my gut; I feel I don't deserve their faith but am overwhelmed with gratitude and a desire to try so hard to live up to it.
On my bucket list: That I build a nurturing home, a small labor of love across many years, tucked away somewhere in the magic of the Himalayas, not only for myself but for everyone who has nurtured me. On my mom's bucket list: That I find a life partner before I "escape" to the mountains. :)
"Commit yourself to something bigger than yourself for that commitment will set you free." Advice Jacqueline Novogratz (CEO of Acumen) said she received from a mentor of hers.