Reader comment on Doug Lipman's passage ...

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    On Apr 2, 2018 Jagdish P Dave wrote:

    In interpersonal communication, we want the other person to fully understand us and such understanding takes place when we deeply, non-judgmentally and patiently listen to the other person. Such communication creates a bridge of wholesome and authentic relationship rather than walls of misunderstanding and annoying and futile arguments.This  is what the rabbi does in this short but elegant story.

    I run into such transactions quite often in my class room and on the play ground when two children got into the stance of "I am right and you're wrong." Like the rabbi, I fully, deeply and no-judgmentally listen to each child and ask relevant questions. It doesn't take much time. At the end each child  like the villager in the story says, " I have nothing more to say." and joins each other's hands. Such experiences slowly and gradually create a big change in their communications and relationships. What helps me have the patience and commitment to listen to them deeply is my deep and genuine caring for my students.

    When my wife passed away six years ago, my heart was filled with heavy sadness. As I was going through the grieving process, people close to me let me grieve and express my sadness. They listened to me deeply, non-judgmentally, patiently and affectionately.Their devoted attention and non-judgmental and supportive presence was instrumental in healing me.

    May we cultivate the qualities of deep listening to build between people rather than walls!


    Jagdish P Dave

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