Reader comment on Miki Kashtan's passage ...

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    On Aug 19, 2016 Jagdish P Dave wrote:

     This relationship dialogue rings bell in my ears. I have learned to make a shift consciously from I should or you should to I would like me to or I would like you to followed by a rational good reason statement.. Words matter. What I say and how I say has a great impact on me as well as another person involved in the transaction. The word Mindfulness is a very important word in the dictionary of my relationship and interpersonal communication. The word "should" connotes demand, not a request. Demand causes a gap or disconnect between two people involved in the situation. Remaining connected with each other is crucial for interpersonal communication and relationship. We can be authentic. respectful, and empathetic or compassionate in our communication. Such communication builds bridges and not walls, cooperation and collaboration, and not  divisiveness. and non co-operation.

    I would like to present the significance of the intrapersonal communication to cultivate the skills of interpersonal communication. What I say and how I say to the other person is the reflection of what I say and how I say to myself. It is from the inside out. I find this mindfulness way of communication within and without very helpful. I  counsel children, couples  and families.The first thing I teach them is how to be aware of the impact of the other person's verbal  and non verbal behavior on them selves. I teach them to  attend to what arises in their mind,-disturbing thoughts and feelings and feel their bodily sensations- without judging them and with empathy. You do not fight them, resist them, chase them, cling to them or stuck with them. You need to be free from holding on to or reacting to such thoughts and feelings.Once we clear up the heavy clouds in our mind and body, the compassionate,kind,caring and loving part of ourselves comes out. We get a better and clearer understanding and insight about the difficult conditions disrupting the relationship.It is self introspective work. Such mindfulness work is essential for personal, interpersonal and familial well being. It's an ongoing journey expanding and deepening our  intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships.

    May we create silence within ourselves to listen to ourselves and to others with an open mind and a kind heart!

    Jagdish P Dave

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