My "loyal soldier" has had to surrender many times! Some of the most memorable: The birth of my daughter with disabilities. I was a professional working with children who had disabilities and their families and I felt "lightening had struck" for me to be in that same situation. Eventually that disorder became reordered and I was content, thinking I knew my story - until she suddenly died and the loyal soldier rose again saying "this can't be my story"! And again, a new "order" arose, until my first separation from a very difficult marriage. I thought we had a new "order" but it lasted only 10 years when I knew I had to leave and the loyal soldier had to surrender again. I am grateful for each cycle of "order, disorder, reorder" - not for the pain, obviously, but for what I have learned. Each cycle has given me wisdom and new freedom.
These days I have much time to recharge in silence, as I live alone with my small dog. Recently I travelled for ten days in the company of others - first a dear friend, then with my daughter. There was much more human interaction than my day to day life and I loved it all. Then came home to my quiet little house and recharged. I think it is a fine line to walk, between silence and disengagememt from the world. For me it involves curating what I let into my life via reading, video and other experiences and it's a balancing act. I think it is possible to live in engaged silence, for periods of time. Without this, I find the world overwhelming.