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My love of all animals took some time to turn into gold instead of into frozen fear. As a child growing up near the ocean, I hated jelly fish, stingrays, and feared sharks and rattlesnakes. It did not help that I stepped on a baby jellyfish and got a painful rash. My brother stepped on a sting ray and took the spiny needle in his foot which led me to shuffle my feelt whenever I was in water too shallow to swim through. As for sharks, we lost a veterinarian who was swimming past the waves with friends. The shark bit off the man's leg and even though his friends pulled him to shore, he died. the rattlesnake was scary when I was young. Slowly over time, I began to realize that animals are just being animals and sometimes we have bad encounters and sometimes we have precious memories of what could have been very bad. So looking for the light in all beings is a way to embrace the gift. One time a group of us were riding our horses in a canyon. We avoided skunks, bees, deer, rabbits , rattle snakes and other small animals until the day we avoided a mountain lion. It was a beautiful fall afternoon. I can vividly recall our group of 3 riders going out in a pack and riding under the oak trees. Suddenly, 3 draft horses came flying by us. Their owners often took them out in the canyon on lead lines where they could walk at their pace and enjoy the canyon. Our horses were startled, and began to jig and whinny. Another rider who was behind the draft horses told us about the lion. He told us to clump up and walk slowly as a group in a single file line. I was scared and Ben my horse was starting to jig. All of a sudden, he began to rear and punch out with his front hooves. The rider behind me told me to hold on and let him continue to rear and punch. In a few minutes the herd quieted down, and we were able to proceed. I had been afraid on my horse that I would fall off, but I held on. A few weeks later, we went to a show of Lipizzaner Stallions and the herd master had their lead Stallion show what he would do if he faced an enemy. He began to rear and punch out with his forelegs just like my horse did. We were told of the instinct to survive being a hidden gift that would save us if we ever encountered a large predator on horseback. I now know there is a way to quiet the mind, drop into calm, hold your space, and observe what is by looking for the light that there is in everything. Hide full comment

I had a very unexpected chance to move into a place of uncertainty when I got fired after a 40 year student and then faculty affiliations at our local state university. I was brought up as a trainee in the system, would go on to work in the system and then would go on to teach in the system. When I told one of my graduate professors where I was going to train with a possibility of being hired, he said, "That is a school that is notorious for following the formula of - 'See One, Do One, Teach One.' It turned out he was wrong. I never Saw One. Instead I began with the Do One AND with the Teach One to 4 medical students. That early sign- in would be my unexpected exit from the University as well, since I was teaching 6 classes of medical students when I was fired. The uncertainty of- 'What next' hit me like a brick the first night. I spent that night largely awake and sitting with it , side by side. By morning I was mad, which is to say I was afraid. So I got curious about that fear. I loved my work with the students and I was going to miss them and what we taught them tremendously. Then I realized the currciulum has been similar across the last 14 years with some changes and additions, but nothing very novel apart from resiliency awareness for the students and training in Compassion and Care. I began to realize that this was an opportunity not a problem. I can apply what I know in other arenas and I can continue to explore who I am now in the safe and creative places like those provided by Service Space. Embracing change and seeking novelty helps me grow in this 7th decade of my life. I love to extend knowledge and creativity. I love to help others find their passions and I love to be with people who are passionate about what they do and dedicated to an awarness of how they spend their time. To walk with uncertainity is now a reality for many in these challenging times. To rise to that challenge is to be curious and to be open to different possibilities. In this way, we dance with uncertainty and in that dance of acceptance we begin to feel the flow in our lives. We just need to take the first step towards possibility and keep on seeking until we find or perhaps create what we hope to add into our now and carry forward into our future. Step by Step we surrender ourselves not only to the reality of uncertainty but also to an increased liklihood of increased joy. Hide full comment

I am not sure I have ever had a time when my heart broke apart into 1000 shards. I have had mournful sadness that leaves my pillow wet with my tears and also can lead to a torrential rain of unexpected tears This happens with news of the death of beloved elders as well as people who made a huge difference in our society. The tears feel normal to me. Those tearful experiences typically also are about the loss of a beloved relative, friend or 4 legged being who has been a part of my extended family. The grief runs deep both for family and animal companions. I can still see our animals' faces as I hold them close while a vet assists with their pain and dying. I still cry over the two cats and the rabbit whom we lost this year along with two very senior dogs. Just writing of their losses brings up tears now of gratitude for their arrival into my life and for the loving spirits of their respective souls. The inevitability of their cancers was a certainty and we let them go when their breathing began to be labored. Their passing was quick, as it was their times to go. Yet, the bunny was the hardest for me, becausse her cancer came on suddenly out of the blue. She was a found rabbit on a lawn about 11 years ago. She was 3 blocks away from our house, happily nibbling grass at midnight. I was racing to go to the office and print a report for a colleague who needed it for her client in Court the next day. The haunting sound of "Who Who Whooooo" as I left the house told me there was an owl at the top of our giant tree. When I saw the rabbit I thought of the owl, so called my housemate to come as fast as she could and bring a cat carrier. We caught her by waving a piece of a yummy green weed. That bunny was so funny. She thumped when she was mad and wanted to go outside or wanted her bunny treats. She would stand on her hind legs and punch at the kittens if they got too assertive. She was so pensive when she ate, quickly demolishing salads of kale, dandelion greens, carrot tops, pumpkin seeds and other types of yummy vegetables. The dogs were the backbone of making our house a home. We shared, a giant golden retriever who came to us after my colleague died from Covid in 2022. We had him for 4 years but it felt longer than that as he was so happy until the day he crumpled and the vet told us he had cancer. He got a few more months after that prognosis and was himself fully alive until he crumpled again and could not get up. It took a village to get him in to the doctor where he passed quickly. The heart dog, who fixed my housemate's grief over her loss of her former dogs, was with us for 16 years. He was pure heart and pure joy. The cats who passed included a brother and sister. One developed a pulmonary problem that was inoperable, the other had cancer. They all left us at either the beginning or end of the year. I miss them and yet, I always remember the joy they brought to us each and every day. I reflect on our time together and love them fully still- now in their spirit form and at rest in the peace of the ethereal. It ihonors them to tell stories and think of the best of times rather than the worst of times. The bond of being as One with them silences the pain of their losses. They remain in my heart and always on my mind. Yet i still yearn to see them in my dreams. Hide full comment