We have a small room in our home that is sound proof. My husband uses it to record audio books and I use it for clients to have a sound bath. When anyone walks in and feels the silence, they visibly relax, take a deep breath and say Wow, it's really quiet in here (or something like that). Sometimes we have a dehumidifier or a fan and I feel myself get tense and have to breathe into my inner peace, but at least it's rythmic and consistent. We also have motorcycles around in the summer and I find myself resenting their souped up motor sounds.
I'd like to think that I am impervious to what is on the outside, but I know I am adversely affected quite a lot. If I notice it though, I can shift it with my breath. In the Dances of Universal Peace there is a Buddhist change that is disharmonious. I used to hate it, but after a while, I was able to accept it.
In your story though, it seems that after having a loving exchange with someone, what they did was less of an issue. They listened to your needs, a compromise was achieved and harmony was restored. It seems like there was a powerful formula: ask for what you want, they really listened and found a way to have a win/win in the end. Love this.
I do Shamanic work. When I am in that state, I get many images. One time, the client was able to see what was going on in my shamanic journey. It was a soul retrieval. We put parts of ourselves aside in cold storage when we are unable to process an experience. Then in later life, we experience a void, often an addiction because of that missing part. In this particular case I retrieved a dead baby. It was buried and I had to dig it up, perform CPR and then breast feed it. In that journey I represented the Goddess who provides for all. Before it came alive, I called on the baby's power animal which was an eagle. Before I share the images with the client, I ask them what if anything, they experienced. The man was very embarrassed and didn't want to share, but I assured him that I would hold no judgement. He said, he felt helpless and hopeless at first. He was cold and could not move like he was dead. He then said an eagle appeared and he began to have hope. Then he shared that he felt ashamed, but he was attracted to my breasts and he couldn't explain why he had such an intense feeling like that. I told him that I understood why and shared the details of the journey with him. It all made sense. Now all of this could be considered imagination, but time and time again people feel more whole, let go of addictions and become more resilient after a soul retrieval.
I belong to a group called Indivisible. I have been an activist since the 70's. I feel deep grief over the current degradation of our country. The entire group cried with me. Before my share, it felt intellectual. I brought out the pain and in doing so, we bonded. The sharings went deeper and felt more intimate. I was grateful.
That saying hurt people hurt people is accurate. As a counselor, I address these things often. Let's look underneath that action, what triggers or wounds were you reacting from? How can you choose differently next time. It's compassion from me and learning compassion for themselves so they can learn and start anew.
I have opinions, but I have flexibility in them because I have lived long enough to be wrong many times about a political view, a persons motivation, a feared outcome. I must live with the awareness of my own flaws and that also means I offer grace to everyone else. Certainty is therefore inflexibility and I do not see that as allowing for growth in myself or others.
When I was mature enough to see my parents past and current suffering, the things they did no longer felt personal. They weren't doing that to me, they were responding from past hurts and fears for my future. In that context, I could see their love and I could extend mine.
Here is a poem I wrote about my middle school experience.
I was not a superb scholar.
I could not bring myself to learn geography.
It didn’t feel right somehow.
I never knew why.
Then I saw it.
You know the picture of earth from space.
I knew then why I’d been so reluctant to divide her.
It wasn’t the truth,
and God knows I’m stubborn about the truth.
I got a bad attitude grade in history once.
The teacher said I was argumentative.
I kept asking him questions about the people in the wars we studied.
It wasn’t enough to memorize events and dates.
He was angry.
I used to think he was angry with me but now,
I wonder if there wasn’t a deeper anger.
I’m sorry he disliked me so.
If he’d been more aware he would have noticed
I was the only one really paying attention.
Everyone else was just robotically
recording and regurgitating.
If he’d only known that I really cared about what happened in history.
If he’d only known that I was paying attention with all of myself.
If he’d only known we might have enjoyed the class together.
We might have felt like explorers on an adventure.
If he’d only known.
I recently got angry at my hospice chorus director for trying to fine tune a song we sing. I felt it was good enough and I was so frustrated with her for interrupting the flow of the song to make corrections. I came to realize that I was looking at our rehearsal as my therapy because I was spending more energy I had taking care of some friends in crisis. It was a wake up call for me to get more time for myself.