I can relate. For me, much of that former luster was surface appearance, and now I sometimes see the inner real source at least enough to know it's there and to allow more of it.
For me, God is essential me disguised as my life in this world. When I went to the edge of my disguise/personality/ego/human life, I experienced some amount of real me which is formless ultimate Being/Reality/God. It is a point where my usual will power and knowledge ran out and I was in unknown territory. I seemed to get beyond fear and be willing to go with what I needed to do, and I did. Consciousness was expanding regarding myself and reality or life. What helped me let go of my loyal soldier voice was significant unhappiness with where I was. What helps me now to let go of my loyal soldier is having had that initial transformative experience and wanting to have more of that experience, wanting to see more of what really is and more of my real self.
The noise in our minds is the dominant noise. When I quiet the inner noise I don't notice or am not bothered by the outer noise. Noise is sound -- we are the ones that learn or experience or define certain sounds as noise and other sounds as pleasant, just like we determine that certain plants are weeds and other plants aren't. I believe there is beauty in all existence and it would be good for me to see beauty in all sound and all plants and in all that is. Sadly, I can judge a person positively or negatively based solely on their appearance, and many times have done that. As I get to know the person, I've many times realized how wrong my initial judgment was. Eventually I learned that initial appearance was for me outer noise, and I've made the significant shift, at least to some degree, to meeting the person for who he or she is which begins some closeness between us rather than distance. When I make that shift I feel much greater peace and contentment within myself.
I agree with William Blake and Arun Dhundale that we hold infinity in the palm of our hands, and I believe to be aware of that takes an awakening and seeing past the everyday finite surface busyness that we get lost in. Regarding a personal story, my first thought is about when my wife was very ill and I cared for her in ways that were persistent but not profound. I felt uncertain about how to do what's best and how the situation was going to work out. I had some serious loss of balance problems during that time that I know were the physical expression of my life being thrown for a loop, and when I realized that my balance problems stopped. Fortunately she got well. I believe action that is right, honest, sincere, and caring is my practicing responsibility and helps me to practice responsibility toward future generations. While we never know what will be, right action is best for now and may contribute positively to the future.
My view on this topic differs from that of Robert Thurman. I see pain and suffering as two different phenomena, and combining them as one and the same creates misunderstanding. For me, pain is a symptom that something is out of sorts, and suffering is how I carry or deal with the pain. Both pain and suffering are part of the human condition. Human life provides pain, and I as a human being provide suffering or how I deal with pain. I agree that pain is friendly in that it tells me something is out of kilter, and I can learn and regain more health by listening to it. Through seeing many people experience pain and how they suffer it, I realized that includes or will include me. When I actually experience pain it's still difficult for me to suffer it productively and not negatively. What helps me "return to what is actually here" is that I've learned how important it is to be present to what is and not grip onto "if only" thinking which thinking is make believe and gets in the way of my suffering my pain productively.
I'll venture a response to your request: I think the situation you are describing is complex and difficult. I guess what you are saying is whether to remove the other or remove self from a situation because of a lack of safety. In my experience, my first effort is to engage in a conversation with the other in which I say what I am experiencing openly, honestly, and with care, listen to the other’s response, and repeat the process. If the other is open and cooperative, a way for both to work together in the situation may be worked out. If the other is not open and cooperative, or if there is no progress, or if there is a lack of safety, I think a separation is the way to go. If I am the boss or supervisor, I’d probably remove the other from the situation. If the situation is between peers on the same level, I’d probably remove myself from the situation. These are my thoughts; I'm not at all saying what you should do. I wish you well with your decisions.
I agree that the villain of this moment is the victim of an earlier moment. I agree that it's important to widen our compassion. For me that means to appreciate that we are systems more than we are individuals. In my career I made an effort to be of help to many couples. When there is conflict, we blame, don't see our part in the problem, don't take responsibility, and play pin the tail on the donkey. We see one as villain and the other as victim rather than look at how two created the situation. "Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee agreed to have a battle" as said in Through the Looking Glass. We do the same game of blaming and divisiveness at the level of national politics as we do at the level of personal relationships. When I remember that we are one whole system that is basic and much bigger than our divisiveness, that helps me keep in check my wanting to label 'us' as right and good and 'them' as wrong or bad.
Good points. We are of nature and miss so much and hurt ourselves so much by separating from nature.
For me the natural world is a manifestation of God. That’s not what it means, that is what it is. Seeing that stopped me in my tracks. All of nature – the stars, the planets, all minerals, plants, insects, birds, fish, animals – exist, do their thing and manifest God in their own way. That’s not their meaning, that’s what they are. We people are one more expression of God and nature. Unfortunately we, with our unique form of consciousness, separate ourselves from nature and God and then look for the meaning of it all. This view is hidden in plain sight. It was a door opening to see reality differently, seeing more mystery and less searching for meaning. A big opening was seeing that all nature is God expressing as all nature. I resonate to what Meister Eckhart said, “Between God an me there is no between.”
There is the objective world of form, of limited and measurable information, evidence, and proof. There also is the subjective world of art, intuition, complex process and pattern. Art and many disciplines are telling us that reality is interconnected pattern and relationship. There is much wisdom in Nora Bateson's statements. I love her saying that Picasso's 'Woman Weeping' says to be a student of life is to be willing to be shattered. Art -- be it poetry, painting, or music -- typically penetrates my deep indoctrination of rational understanding slowly, and slowly my consciousness expands enough to see and hear a deeper message. I'm not willing to be shattered; I have learned through age and paying attention that life is complex, uncertain, and uncontrollable, shatterings will happen like it or not, and I can learn from them. I don't like the shattering but I love the learning that it brings. A shattering is a growth opportunity.
I think you'd like me to share more about the experience of my truth. For me there is feeling, there is sensation, there is thinking, and there is what I am experiencing. I think we mostly relate from thinking, which makes for the shallowest relating. I think deep relating involves being aware of and relating as much of self as we can. To relate deeply with another, I find it is important that I notice what I am experiencing in the moment and relate what I am experiencing. What I am experiencing may be sadness or interest or disagreement or boredom or heard or talked down to or whatever, and I believe sharing what I am experiencing makes for deep relating.
For me there are two different ways to think about radical honesty. First is to tell the complete truth about facts of my life rather than fabricating stories about myself. Second is to be completely honest about what I am experiencing which is my truth. Radical honesty is present when it is present. I can be radically honest at one time or with one person and not at another time or with another person. Early in life I was guarded, not saying what I was experiencing, not saying my truth, which as Yung Pueblo wrote makes deep connection with another impossible. To have deep connection, I needed to become open and honest as to what I was experiencing, which was difficult for me to do. Now it is easy for me to distinguish between what is my truth and what is not. The satisfaction I experience in being honest about my truth helps me do it. To lose one's truth either by ignoring it or denying it is to lose oneself and lost close relationship.
I would like to live and engage with my work bringing all of me sincerely, openly, caringly, honestly, respectfully. I achieve some degree of that sometimes. When younger I was so enthused by my belief in my work and my thinking I knew the truth and the way that I was often poor at listening to others and attuning to them and their gifts, which was a disconnect. I worked in the mental health field. Slowly but surely over time, stubborn as I am, my attuning to and valuing others and their ways and gifts increased, and our connection increased. As our connection grew, our learning and growth increased. What helps me is the nourishment I have felt in my work. I feel a gratitude and a sense of good fortune and privilege that I got into this work which resonated with me and may have saved me. The growth I gained helps me engage knowing the possibilities for me and for others.
I think of pain and dealing with pain differently than Darlene Cohen. For me, life produces pain such as the pain of injury, illness, death. Pain hurts and is a signal that something is not working right and I have a problem. I engage pain in that I pay attention to it and what it's telling me about what's wrong. Suffering is different than pain. To suffer means to bear or carry. Suffering is the way in which I bear or deal with pain, such as the strategy I implement to deal with it. Life provides pain, I provide suffering. The challenge is for me to suffer pain in a way that decreases the problem or pain, and not suffer pain in a way that increases the problem or pain. Distracting myself from suffering is to not heed it or learn from it and is a very ineffective strategy. I don't notice the totality of each moment. That seems beyond me. I can notice a good deal of a moment, and I do that when I am present, open, and attentive.
I believe love is oneness of all that is, and love or oneness is underneath all the problems and hardships. It is there for us to see and embrace.
I love that song you shared.
Yes, everything can be intoxicated rapture calling us home. We hear what and how we are. If I am in intoxicated rapture or open to intoxicated rapture, I will hear it. I used to hardly notice birds. We have bird feeder in our back yard along with some bird friendly trees and bushes and a couple bird houses, and now, being retired, I am more present to hear, see, and enjoy the birds like I never before did. I so much enjoy their busyness, their flying, landing, and taking off, their moving from branch to branch, and their occasional singing. I occasionally slip into some amount of intoxicated rapture. My belief system helps me practice listening for love, lover, and beloved. I believe all existence is one, and one is love. When I am occasionally in that awareness, I am in love, I feel oneness with nature around me, with what I am seeing and hearing, and it is heaven on earth.
As Anais Nin said, we don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are. Peace, like happiness, is within us. It is for us to live in a way that we are in harmony with self and in harmony with peace. I went through a long period of life thinking I was broken, not right, and sought fixing in various teachers and helpers. Eventually I realized I was okay, enough just as I am, and needed to accept and be who I am, allow me and live me, which was the beginning of self care and self love. What I was looking for was within me. I gave up on performing and grew in being who and what I am, gave up on making a presentation and increased being present. When accepting and being myself, I feel calm and steady, I'm a better listener, and I relate better. When accepting and being myself, I feel the peace and happiness I was looking for.
God is the source and essence of being, and when we fight or try to control that we are in God's way. Too much certainty is a problem in that it gets in the way of being open and going with the source of being. Pain and suffering are different. Life provides pain. There is no pain free living. Suffering literally means to bear or carry. Each of us provide how we bear and deal with pain. How I suffer pain and problems in life is up to me. I can suffer pain in a way that lessens pain, and I can suffer pain in a way that makes it worse. Understanding that has been very helpful for me. Many people make pain and suffering the same because they don't want to take responsibility for how they suffer pain. I craft a vessel that carries me, not others. I hope others learn from my crafting of my vessel as they craft their own vessel.
One way by which we obtain knowledge is by playing and working with information and putting it together for ourselves as knowledge. In doing that, we could say, as Paulo Freire says, we invent knowledge. Another way we obtain knowledge is by accepting the knowledge of others, sometimes blindly. Whichever way we obtain knowledge, we can modify it. I began to give up in a big way being a passive receptacle when I was about 20 and started actively questioning, searching, and learning new information and knowledge rather than accepting ready-made answers as absolute. I felt myself being in a time of active growth, and I had no idea that a great deal of further expansion was ahead. What helps me most is wanting to learn, being open, listening and considering while not accepting others' knowledge as my own, letting go of what doesn't fit and going with what feels right, going with my truth rather than what someone else says is true.