Ambiguity Of Violence
आक्रामकता की अस्पष्टता , द्वारा रोबर्ट सपोल्स्कीआक्रामकता की अस्पष्टता ( ambiguity) एक बहुत बड़ी चुनौती यह है कि हम तेज प्रक्रिया एक अत्यंत आक्रामक कृत्य में कर सकते हैं, या एक निस्वार्थ सेवा में कर सकते हैं | नतीजन, हिंसा हमारे जीवन का एक अभिन्न अंग हो जाती है जिसे समझ पाना कठिन है| सशक्त प्रेम और सशक्त घृणा का जीव विज्ञानं बहुत तरीकों से समान है, जिस कारण हम आक्रामकता से घृणा नहीं करते , सिर्फ गलत आक्रामकता से घृणा करते हैं, और सही प्रकार की आक्रामकता को प्यार भी करते हैं|
मैं और मेरी पत्नी, एक छोटी कार में, अपने पिछली सीट पे बैठे बच्चों के साथ, कहीं जा रहे थे| मेरी पत्नी कार चला रही थी| इतने में, एक अत्यंत लापरवाह चालक ने अपनी गाड़ी, इस अंदाज़ से, हमारी कार के सामने से निकाली, की बहुत बड़ी दुर्घटना हो सकती थी और यह भी स्पष्ट नज़र आ रहा था कि ये उसने गलती से नहीं सिर्फ पूर्ण स्वार्थीपने में किया है|
मेरी पत्नी ने ज़ोर से हॉर्न बजाय , परन्तु उस चालक ने हमें नज़र अंदाज़ कर दिया| हम बहुत क्रोधित एवं नाराज़ थे : ना जाने पुलिस की जब आवश्यकता होती है तो वो कहाँ चली जाती है|
तभी मेरी पत्नी ने कहा की हम उसका पीछा करेंगे और उसमें थोड़ी घबराहट लायेंगे| मैं क्रोधित तो था, परन्तु यह करना मुझे बहुत अच्छा नहीं लगा| फिर भी मेरी पत्नी ने उसके पीछे अपनी कार भगाई, बिलकुल उसके पीछे पीछे कार को रखा |
कुछ ही समय बाद वो चालक अपनी कार हमसे बचते हुए भगाने लगा , पर मेरी पत्नी उसके पीछे लगी रही| तभी आगे एक लाल बत्ती पे दोनों कार को रुकना पड़ा| हमें पता था कि उस लाल बत्ती पर कार को थोड़े ज्यादा समय के लिए रूकना पड़ता है | उस खलनायकी चालक के सामने भी एक कार थी| वो कहीं भाग नहीं सकता था|
अचानक मेरी पत्नी ने हमारी कार की सीट पर रखे कुछ संमान को उठाया , अपना दरवाज़ा खोला और कहा” अब उसे पछताना होगा”
मैंने विनम्र शब्दों में कहा “ प्रिये , क्या यह सही है जो तुम करने जा रही हो, " तब तक वो कार से बाहर निकल चुकी थी|
मैं भी कार से झटपट बाहर निकला और मैंने अपनी पत्नी को उससे कट्टर आवाज़ में यह कहते सुना " अगर तुम इतनी स्वार्थी हरकत कर सकते हो, तो तुम्हे इस की आवश्यकता है| " तभी उसने उसकी खिड़की से कुछ अंदर फेंका| वो कार में वापस , विजयी एवं आनंदमय अंदाज़ में वापस आई|
“ तुमने उस कार में क्या फेंका” ? उसने कोई जवाब नहीं दिया|तभी बत्ती हरी हो गई | हमारे पीछे कोई कार नहीं थी और हम वहीँ रुके रहे | उस बदमाश चालक ने एक बहुत ही अच्छी तरह मुड़ने का संकेत दिया और धीरे से मुड़ा , और बहुत ही धीमी गति से कार चलाता रहा|
अगर किसी कार के लिए शर्मसार लगना संभव होता , तो वो कार शर्मसार लग रही थी|
"प्रिये, कृपया बताओ , तुमने उस कार में क्या फेंका?"
उसने एक दुर्जन सी हंसी के साथ कहा “ एक अंगूरी टॉफ़ी “
मैं उसकी घोर सहनशील आक्रामकता से अचंभित था | उसने चालक से कहा था” तुम इतने स्वार्थी और गैर जिम्मेवार इंसान हो, और अवश्य ही बचपन में तुम्हारे साथ कुछ गलत हुआ होगा, और यह टॉफ़ी तुम्हे उसे सुधारने में थोड़ी मदद जरूर करेगी| “
मनन के लिए बीज प्रश्न : आप इस धारणा से कैसा नाता रखते हैं कि आक्रामकता का सन्दर्भ महत्वपूर्ण होता है| क्या आप अपना अनुभव साझा कर सकते हैं जिसमे आपने “सही” आक्रामकता देखी हो? अपने आक्रामक लम्हों को भी प्यार से ढकने में किस चीज़ से सहायता मिलती है|
Robert Sapolsky is a world-renowned neuroscientist and long-time professor at Stanford, who has spent decades studying violence. This story is from the opening of his best-selling book 'Behave'. Explore more on this topic via this talk.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion that the context of aggression matters? Can you share an experience that involved the 'right' kind of aggression? What helps you tinge even your aggressive moments with love?
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18 Past Reflections
On Apr 3, 2021 Paul wrote :
Best to let this sort of thing go. There is an equal chance that the driver of the other vehicle responds violently especially to a female.
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On Mar 30, 2021 Patrick wrote :
Robert Sapolsky is an amazing human being and neuroscientist.
He is also one of many scientists who profess to be atheists. I suspect that attitude is due mostly to “bad” religion? I might also suggest that most atheists are actually agnostic, especially the scientists. Even Einstein knew he didn’t know.
Having abandoned religion myself during college, I “returned” later though with a very different perspective on spirituality. I have remained a scientist through it all.
He is also one of many scientists who profess to be atheists. I suspect that attitude is due mostly to “bad” religion? I might also suggest that most atheists are actually agnostic, especially the scientists. Even Einstein knew he didn’t know.
Having abandoned religion myself during college, I “returned” later though with a very different perspective on spirituality. I have remained a scientist through it all.
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On Mar 30, 2021 Ruby U Grad wrote :
I appreciate the mother's anger and frustration at the other driver's apparent act of malicious aggression. But I don't agree with any act that arises from anger and ill will, including hers. The whole thing might have appeared the same If the mother had come from an open heart and compassion in following the other driver and then giving him the lollipop and the message. Instead of what the author interpreted as shame, which is not a useful emotion, the other driver may have felt appreciation and even love at having been seen as more than a bad person because of an act of aggressive driving, but as a whole human being. What helps tinge my experiences of anger and aggression is reminding myself that I never have enough information to act on my emotions, and that everyone inherits the results of whatever actions they perform. In this example, perhaps the other driver was on his way to a hospital because his wife was giving birth, a child had been injured, etc., or the mother ... [View Full Comment]
1 reply: Me | Post Your Reply
On Mar 30, 2021 Sam wrote :
seems we are assuming that violence and aggression cannot be tempered by will...instinctive self preservation/defense is not the same as retribution or revenge...still, instinctual violence and aggression can be controlled by willful intent if trained accordingly...in an age when violence is condoned and often glorified, few intend otherwise as a response
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On Mar 30, 2021 Patrick wrote :
It is true that behind most if not all human evil is brokenness.
That said, we must exercise great caution and compassion when confronting it.
}:- a.m. (anonemoose monk)
That said, we must exercise great caution and compassion when confronting it.
}:- a.m. (anonemoose monk)
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On Mar 30, 2021 Barbara wrote :
Love the intention of giving sweetness to someone. My concern is forbthe kiddos in the car.
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On Mar 30, 2021 TBrown wrote :
The Tree Bears Witness
Triggering moments are tricky.
Was it the single finger, the blaring horn, the sudden, scary interruption without signal?
Many assumptions and nosingle story to make us whole.
I know them, hold them, ancient and anchored in my roots.
Who is the “thug,” the “villain,” the “reckless, selfish” one,the passionate, protective parent?
Please — no need (or knees) for police in a fearless land of purple lollipops.May wepause andbreathe,letgrace and my prayer-filledbranches love us all sweetly home.
Triggering moments are tricky.
Was it the single finger, the blaring horn, the sudden, scary interruption without signal?
Many assumptions and nosingle story to make us whole.
I know them, hold them, ancient and anchored in my roots.
Who is the “thug,” the “villain,” the “reckless, selfish” one,the passionate, protective parent?
Please — no need (or knees) for police in a fearless land of purple lollipops.May wepause andbreathe,letgrace and my prayer-filledbranches love us all sweetly home.
1 reply: Manoj | Post Your Reply
On Mar 30, 2021 Fatuma Namukasa wrote :
This is a beautiful way of paying back wrong aggression...with that type of sweet aggression...Thank you so much!
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On Mar 30, 2021 stream wrote :
Though I think I always abhorred any energetic resembling aggression , I perpetrated many explosive violent reactions toward my brother and other neighborhood kids when i became frustrated, not knowing how to express my needs for emotional understanding. I can forgive myself and others for acts of violence with the context of understanding now that we do not live in a culture that places value on emotional learning.
When I was eligible for the draft into the Vietnam War, I looked into becoming a conscientiousobjector . I knew in my heart that there is no violence that is Right or ok, that the idea of turning the other cheek was the only path to peace. The idea of NVC that when we can discover all of our beautiful needs and communicate them as requests , not demands, that we can all live non-violently in win/win.
That is the world that I envision, yet when I or someone else acts out
usually or maybe always due to fear I know that the violent act is always an unskillful way to get Love... [View Full Comment]
1 reply: Manoj | Post Your Reply
On Mar 29, 2021 anand Damani wrote :
Aggression is the manifestation of fear. Human beings are sentient beings and as a resolved person I can chart the journey of how the deluded mind moves from not understanding something to fear to aggression.
It is the science of the human soul the life atom. If this knowledge can be explained understood and practiced by just a group of families it will attract the attention of the world and spread like a wild fire.
You just need resolution and there will be no aggression in society. The aggression starts in the thoughts and the seed is the perceived reality that is by itself a delusion.
Join me in finding your own resolution and help others become resolve seeing your state of permanent bliss which ia what even the person doing the aggression needs.
ananddamani.com
howtogivemore.com
It is the science of the human soul the life atom. If this knowledge can be explained understood and practiced by just a group of families it will attract the attention of the world and spread like a wild fire.
You just need resolution and there will be no aggression in society. The aggression starts in the thoughts and the seed is the perceived reality that is by itself a delusion.
Join me in finding your own resolution and help others become resolve seeing your state of permanent bliss which ia what even the person doing the aggression needs.
ananddamani.com
howtogivemore.com
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On Mar 29, 2021 Liz Helgesen wrote :
With Love Not Aggression
This piece made me feel very uncomfortable. I am uncertain the wife's actions were wise, and seemed not non-violent to me. Especially that children were in the car watching and experiencing what was being modeled. Second, calling the other driver a villain, also does not seem non-violent. We don't know what we don't know.
Gosh, I would need to take a breath and choose my response carefully with so much and so many lives at stake. With love, always. Liz
This piece made me feel very uncomfortable. I am uncertain the wife's actions were wise, and seemed not non-violent to me. Especially that children were in the car watching and experiencing what was being modeled. Second, calling the other driver a villain, also does not seem non-violent. We don't know what we don't know.
Gosh, I would need to take a breath and choose my response carefully with so much and so many lives at stake. With love, always. Liz
2 replies: Fatuma, Manoj | Post Your Reply
On Mar 27, 2021 David Doane wrote :
Aggression means hostile, violent, attacking. For me, the context of aggression doesn't matter. Aggression meaning hostile or violent is always unnecessary and probably harmful. I don't have an experience of the right kind of aggression or violence. I've had experiences of being aggressive, and for me they weren't right and I regret them. Being aggressive is fitting in war because, as I see it, both aggression and war are harmful and wrong. Various institutions and groups find a rationale to make aggression justifiable in certain contexts -- I don't. I support being active, assertive, strong, firm, disagreeing, objecting -- those aren't violent (unless done violently). When I've been aggressive or violent,it hasn't been tinged with love, it's been nonlove, fearful and harmful. For me, when there is love there isn't aggression, there's healing and union.
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On Mar 26, 2021 Jagdish P Dave wrote :
I tend to agree with the author Robert Sapolskythat aggression will always be a part of human experience. Love also will be a part of the human experience since the biologies of strong love and strong hate are the same. The contextof aggression matters. Animals as well as humans protect their childrenfrom the cruel jaws of mean aggressors. In order to protect the innocent, aggressive behaviors have to be dealt withwithout reacting. And that's the way I interpretthe behavior of the mother narrated in this essay. Without using discretioncounter- aggressive behaviors could cause havoc. History is full of such violent behaviors whether it is like throwing nuclear bombs or poisonous gas in Japan and Vietnam. If we follow "eye for an eye" way for retaliating to the enemy then as Mahatma Gandhi said the whole world will be blind.
My stance on aggression and violence is to respond to violence with non-violence and hate with love. Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr and Dalai L... [View Full Comment]