On Jun 7, 2021 Ruby Grad wrote:|
A leader in my spiritual community hurt me deeply once. I idealized the relationship and couldn't see how I made that person feel insecure. So I relied on promises that were made that, in hindsight, I realized weren't made to be kept. And the promises ultimately broken. I was so deeply hurt, I walked away. I even tried to sway others to my side and in some cases was successful. But I deeply felt the lack of that community. With the passage of time, I realized that two people had to be forgiven for me to rejoin and remake the community for myself: the other person and me. The process of forgiving the other person had a lot to do with seeing them more clearly and accepting them. The process of forgiving myself had a lot to do with also seeing myself more clearly and accepting my imperfections. I have rejoined the community, but with firmer boundaries and a commitment to opening my heart when I sense it closing and moving back into old habits and stories.
On Mar 30, 2021 Ruby U Grad wrote:|
I appreciate the mother's anger and frustration at the other driver's apparent act of malicious aggression. But I don't agree with any act that arises from anger and ill will, including hers. The whole thing might have appeared the same If the mother had come from an open heart and compassion in following the other driver and then giving him the lollipop and the message. Instead of what the author interpreted as shame, which is not a useful emotion, the other driver may have felt appreciation and even love at having been seen as more than a bad person because of an act of aggressive driving, but as a whole human being. What helps tinge my experiences of anger and aggression is reminding myself that I never have enough information to act on my emotions, and that everyone inherits the results of whatever actions they perform. In this example, perhaps the other driver was on his way to a hospital because his wife was giving birth, a child had been injured, etc., or the mother may have done something before that caused the other driver to become angry, which he had interpreted as aggressive. I'm not trying to justify anyone's actions, but while there may have been no objective reason the author or his wife could see to cut off their minivan, the other driver may have believed otherwise. No matter what, the other driver will realize the consequences of his acts. It's never up to me to be the one to be the agent of those consequences if I act through anger and aggression and "other" someone else.