Lfm, I thank you for asking, “Why so angry, Syd?” I believe the greatest reason is my expectations are unfulfilled, such as simply walking. Because my cells do not produce energy for my muscles there is lots of exhaustion, fatigue, and feeling alienated from myself and others. If I sink into this physical or inner deficiency then suffering becomes my identity. I will then turn anger and aggression against myself.
I use to feel there was no way out of this tormented consciousness, like feeling hopeless. I then realized I was caught in my emotional reactions and my beliefs about my deficiency. I realized my inner commentary is creating an identity based on suffering. My ego is based on suffering and ultimately is deficient. So the best I can tell to gain a better satisfaction with my life is to move beyond all my beliefs. This not a concept or even an idea to live up to, but is more like falling into a direct experience of Essence.
The falling is letting go. My moving into stillness is letting go of my anger. There is no clinging to anything here, inner or outer. This Essence feels like a place where everything arises and disappears, which creates this state of stillness and peace. Peace also creates this flow, so it seems right in your offering His peace. There is enormous dignity, self-respect, and this unshakable equanimity within peace. It feels like this place of true worth. Powerful!
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