Heena, I can hardly believe what you have said here... truly, it "makes my day." You wrote: " it is you who needs the first commendable pat of showing such courage to voice an opinion which is contrary to the existing one. its your voice which encouraged me to follow it with my own experiences..."
This is wonderful to hear. As I have said many times before, "The only popular thing I have ever done was to pick up the check." You have no idea how many times I am attacked for voicing an opposing opinion. I have never thought or been told that I had given someone "courage to do the same." This is wonderful, and perhaps... just perhaps... this is a kind of "gift" I have been given, instead of a curse! But when I see something that I believe is in error or is wrong, I cannot resist. I have to say something, come what may. And usually I am instantly "odd man out." So you have given me a great deal to think about. Truly.
You also wrote: "its only when ones faith in ones own love is coupled with discipline and discernment that a balance is achieved. grateful to you to help me to reiterate faith in my own love and discernment." This is the best part of all. "Discernment" is the one thing I am truly lacking in, as to this day I don't know what it truly means. I get taken in by any sob story or "person in need" and I am known for my generosity that never asks for proof of any kind, so I attract all kinds of losers, liars and thieves.
It seems like I look into their heart and I see someone suffering, so I try to help them as I feel sorry for them and want to help cure what ails them. But all that really happens is that whatever virus they are carrying gets into me, and I am soon out of money and out of patience and out of "love" as they have stolen it all. And returned hatred, resentment, jealousy or potential violence to me.
Raging codependent that I am, I made a pact with myself to learn to "help myself" and not help one person for a whole entire year. All went well until I broke that promise to myself, and what started out as a dream quickly turned into a nightmare. And not for the first time, but I hoped for the last. But no, I had to return to my God-awful "helping" a few more times until I finally learned.
I used to give jobs" until those were the thieves who almost put me out of business. Now I work and spend time with people who take care of themselves, and are happy for an honest days pay for an honest days work. Things are finally changing.
I loved what you said about "unconditional love and discernment" when it came to raising children. I did not learn this in time for my own son, who has a terrible sense of entitlement and does not believe he is required to do ANYTHING for anyone else, and it has cost him his marriage and many jobs in the past. I hope for his sake and his soul that he can learn whatever lesson I failed to teach him, and for him I still have "unconditional love" but I "love him from a distance." I won't enable him or any others, even if it makes me very unpopular and sometimes on "enemy status."
Until I read what you wrote, I really didn't know if I was doing the right thing or if I was on the wrong path, especially reading all this "unconditional love" stuff and even the story about the woman who adopted the murderer who KILLED HER SON. That story was so horrifying it has stayed in my mind, and some people's responses agreeing with this made me think I must be crazy or out of my mind. But no, "love and discernment" is actually what is always needed.
Now if I can learn the discernment part, all will be well. Looking forward to more of your thoughts anytime you write them. And thank you, my friend, you have given me much to think about and much to ponder.
Gracias, amiga.
"All will be well, all will be well, and all manner of things will be well."
On Jul 1, 2014 Catherine Todd wrote :
 Heena, I can hardly believe what you have said here... truly, it "makes my day." You wrote: " it is you who needs the first commendable pat of showing such courage to voice an opinion which is contrary to the existing one. its your voice which encouraged me to follow it with my own experiences..." This is wonderful to hear. As I have said many times before, "The only popular thing I have ever done was to pick up the check." You have no idea how many times I am attacked for voicing an opposing opinion. I have never thought or been told that I had given someone "courage to do the same." This is wonderful, and perhaps... just perhaps... this is a kind of "gift" I have been given, instead of a curse! But when I see something that I believe is in error or is wrong, I cannot resist. I have to say something, come what may. And usually I am instantly "odd man out." So you have given me a great deal to think about. Truly. You also wrote: "its only when ones faith in ones own love is coupled with discipline and discernment that a balance is achieved. grateful to you to help me to reiterate faith in my own love and discernment." This is the best part of all. "Discernment" is the one thing I am truly lacking in, as to this day I don't know what it truly means. I get taken in by any sob story or "person in need" and I am known for my generosity that never asks for proof of any kind, so I attract all kinds of losers, liars and thieves. It seems like I look into their heart and I see someone suffering, so I try to help them as I feel sorry for them and want to help cure what ails them. But all that really happens is that whatever virus they are carrying gets into me, and I am soon out of money and out of patience and out of "love" as they have stolen it all. And returned hatred, resentment, jealousy or potential violence to me. Raging codependent that I am, I made a pact with myself to learn to "help myself" and not help one person for a whole entire year. All went well until I broke that promise to myself, and what started out as a dream quickly turned into a nightmare. And not for the first time, but I hoped for the last. But no, I had to return to my God-awful "helping" a few more times until I finally learned. I used to give jobs" until those were the thieves who almost put me out of business. Now I work and spend time with people who take care of themselves, and are happy for an honest days pay for an honest days work. Things are finally changing. I loved what you said about "unconditional love and discernment" when it came to raising children. I did not learn this in time for my own son, who has a terrible sense of entitlement and does not believe he is required to do ANYTHING for anyone else, and it has cost him his marriage and many jobs in the past. I hope for his sake and his soul that he can learn whatever lesson I failed to teach him, and for him I still have "unconditional love" but I "love him from a distance." I won't enable him or any others, even if it makes me very unpopular and sometimes on "enemy status." Until I read what you wrote, I really didn't know if I was doing the right thing or if I was on the wrong path, especially reading all this "unconditional love" stuff and even the story about the woman who adopted the murderer who KILLED HER SON. That story was so horrifying it has stayed in my mind, and some people's responses agreeing with this made me think I must be crazy or out of my mind. But no, "love and discernment" is actually what is always needed. Now if I can learn the discernment part, all will be well. Looking forward to more of your thoughts anytime you write them. And thank you, my friend, you have given me much to think about and much to ponder. Gracias, amiga. "All will be well, all will be well, and all manner of things will be well."