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Reader comment on Martin Luther King, Jr.'s passage ...

Pilgrimage to Nonviolence


On Dec 6, 2011 Tristan wrote:

The problem is that one has to be almost 100% non-violent through and through in order for it to be effective. If unknowingly you still have some traces of natural human violent reactions in your subconscious, vicious people can smell it, and they just see you as a coward for avoiding violence.

I practiced non-violence with deepest motivation and commitment, but have been told recently to get in touch with my true inner feelings so here it comes out... my father* is a vicious, cowardly motherf*#$%r (truly!); my subconscious was trained from before I can remember and it doesn't seem to be (fully) following my advice. People say I'm amazingly peaceful and patient, but if someone attacks me in any serious-injury way, that "smash his head in" mode in my brain comes back from "nowhere", even tho I feel deepest sympathy for these idiots too.

*(mental ill guy perhaps?? I can say I only retaliated once ever, punched him in the face and felt terrible about it for years.)

After all, I used to lie paranoid in my bed night after night wondering if I was going to die...

I actively Love everyone I interact with... but don't anymore expect anything more than an imitation of Care from these animals called humans, "loving" when it suits their emotions. (Sometimes I am deeply surprised tho.) I experienced so many of these sh*#s not only in my own family. They belong in a veterinian's compound -- I'm not touched by their "inner humanity". Every animal has a soft side.

So don't know what to do other than... I'm just plotting my own course; if anything I do inspires, I'm totally willing to share...



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