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Reader comment on Duane Elgin's passage ...

Make Death Your Ally


On Jul 13, 2011 Gulrez wrote:

I never witnessed death closely as such but an incident helped me change my attitude towards life. I have always known that deep down I am a relation person who is more into having quality life rather running for the materialist pleasures. Somewhere I messed up with my relations with my mother, my father, my brothers and my friends too as negativity in one aspects affects everything else... and I know what the reason behind that was. Being in relations truly and living life the way it comes requires lot of emotional maturity and acceptance within to handle what comes ones way. I was not emotionally sorted out and I never accepted and loved myself. So I tried running away from my relations, not out of fear of how they would react to my realities but, because I was scared of handling the pulls and pushes that will come my way while relating with them, by letting me theirs completely, by belonging to them, by letting me be affected by them. I was too weak and dread being vulnerable to emotions. So I created distance between me and ones I loved. I thought the distance will help be escape but it did not for I found myself living a false and very unhealthy life.

And then one day while surfing on one of the social sites, I saw a pop up to wish a friend whose b'day I had forgotten. I did send him a very banal happy birthday message and completely forgot about it. Next day, I saw a message from one of his friend I had never known saying that my friend had died in a road accident months ago. I was numbed... such a beautiful looking, nice, young, good hearted guy he was! And I started regretting all the missed opportunities I could have used to connect with him while he was alive... That was the day I decided I will not let it happen with me ever. I will connect to people as if this is the last moment I have got to touch them. And I am on my mending ways... the process is slow, I am reaching out to people... letting them know who I am, my feelings and helping them express themselves... I am still trying to make sense of life, various feelings, attachments, detachments, and death, loss that we experience... I am still discovering myself... but this time I am not desperate, I am not down and lonely... I am letting life affect me and I am living it to the fullest

Love

Gulrez

 



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