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Reader comment on Elisabeth Kubler-Ross & David Kessler's passage ...

When You Don't Choose Love You Choose Fear


On Jan 19, 2010 Somik Raha wrote:

I can hear Pancho say BAMMMM!

This is a lovely piece that hits the nail on the head. I understood "love" not in a mushy, intimate sense, but in a universal, connected sense, where my sense of "I" encompasses much more than my own well-being.

Just today, my sociology professor was sharing some wisdom with me. He said that as babies, we have no sense of "I." We have to be repeatedly indoctrinated through our interactions with others in order to develop this sense. We derive our sense of "I" only in relation with others. And therefore, this "I" can be very different with different people.

With love, it seems to me, that we are reversing this indoctrination, and going back to the bliss of a baby. After much analysis, it seems only sensible to want to believe that which leads to good experiences. We don't even have to be blind about this - we could bet on love, and see for ourselves what experiences and transformations follow to decide if we want to love more, or less.

But this love cannot be the kind that binds. In the book "Notes to Myself," Hugh Prather has these gems on love:

"Wanting to be loved, to be lovable, is not really a desire for how I want to be, but for how I want others to be."

'Love is the vision that can see all as one and one as all." "Love shows me where all minds and essences unite." "How do I get love? I have it. I must drop my definitions of love. Love is not saying nice things to people or smiling or doing good deeds. Love is love. Don't strive for love, be it." "All my life I have made it complicated, but it is so simple. I love when I love. And when I love, I am my self."

My advisor once shared this story. At a thesis defence, he had a student who was terribly afraid of his questioning. Just before the exam began, with great intention and love, my advisor told him that he had passed the exam as far as the advisor was concerned. From that point on, the student was able to free himself from his fears - he was touched by something much higher than judgment, that he did an outstanding job in the exam.

Love is such a practical tool in our toolbox and it is astonishing that this four letter word does not make it into any business school class! We transform ourselves when we love, and therefore, as we have changed, our world has changed.

With love for everyone who make Wednesdays happen...



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