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Reader comment on Byron Katie's passage ...

There Is Just One Thing To Do


On Mar 31, 2009 Sophia wrote:

I like this, but at what point does "doing the dishes" turn into being taken advantage of?  This is something I struggle with- others get used to me always "doing the dishes" and then expect it. 


On Jun 30, 2018 Samsara wrote:

Namaste Sophia and I understand that very much.

(When I had a particular partner and, before I found sobriety, codependent recovery, and ultimately _The Work_ I was victimized in this way you ask about and feeling as if the world - for the sake of simplicity - had piled all the dishes on me *because* I would do it.)

What I ultimately learned was that to go against myself (ie, NOT do the dishes) in order to *teach* him (OR THE WORLD) to do *his fair share* was mentally exhausting, stressful, and self-initiated war-mongering.

After noticing that I had been going into his (or others') mental business of taking advantage of me, I ultimately returned to my business only and simply did the dishes because I noticed that, when I did, I lived within my mind at ease.

I also picked up his socks without further complaint (or 'lesson teaching') and took his dirty plates to the kitchen, and washed his clothes, and paid the bills, and took care of the cats and dog, and went to events by myself because he was too tired, and etc, etc, etc, ...

One day I was reading a book on recovery from codependency when a light went off in my head and it occurred to me I would have more time for my own life if I moved somewhere else and not invite him. It occurred to me that I would feel marvelously alone and only have to contend with my own mess which, I'd decided, was all I wanted to deal with. And I did. 

I'm not saying my actions should be yours or anyone else's. What I hope my comment can convey is that once my mind was at peace, that peace-loving thoughts & ideas arose and, again, I just followed their instructions.

PS. I did not stay 'marvelously alone' however. I did fall in love and partnered (10+ years now), with someone who is not unfamiliar with taking care of his own dishes. ;)

 

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