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Waking up to Wisdom
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Previous Comments By 'sydneyzoe7'

Death is Life's Door, by Paul Fleischman

FaceBook  On Oct 27, 2015 Syd wrote:

I like how the author says, “To embrace life I must shake hands with death.”  The author goes on to say he needs practice.  From my experience death feels like nothingness, no purpose and it creates this crushing negative self-consciousness.  Death is mean.  It mocks life and it creates this alienation from life.  In my human body death is felt as darkness and the chasm of inner darkness can be like a black hole draining life out of me.  And when death is felt as depression or despair, where there is no choices, the only choice is to welcome death.  It is a choice to merge with nothingness.  This death can be a way of saying no to life and refusing to going on being tormented.  Because my cells do not produce sufficient energy for my muscles, creating lots of exhaustion and fatigue, death is a moment to moment experience for me.   My daily death is felt as nothing in the world to identify with, nothing true or valuable in which I can believe in.  The meaninglessness can bring about insecurity and powerlessness.  There are even points of terrifying attraction to the darkness because how I felt repulsed with my daily death.  However, lately I have begun to trust this darkness and death.  I am beginning to learn to accept my powerlessness/nothingness and of all things there is a self here.  There is a self in the void, in the darkness and in the death.  This self within death, for me, is the heart of faith.  It is a realistic faith and is its own value without reference to anyone.  It is a point I trust, even when I cannot deal with the lifelessness anymore.  This faith ask no questions, consents to the meanness of death and learns to accept my having no choices.  I am disappointed in this dying because it has weaned me from my feelings and weaned me from my beliefs.  And yet faith being all there is left is like the sun.  It does not matter i  See full.

I like how the author says, “To embrace life I must shake hands with death.”  The author goes on to say he needs practice.  From my experience death feels like nothingness, no purpose and it creates this crushing negative self-consciousness.  Death is mean.  It mocks life and it creates this alienation from life.  In my human body death is felt as darkness and the chasm of inner darkness can be like a black hole draining life out of me.  And when death is felt as depression or despair, where there is no choices, the only choice is to welcome death.  It is a choice to merge with nothingness.  This death can be a way of saying no to life and refusing to going on being tormented. 

Because my cells do not produce sufficient energy for my muscles, creating lots of exhaustion and fatigue, death is a moment to moment experience for me.   My daily death is felt as nothing in the world to identify with, nothing true or valuable in which I can believe in.  The meaninglessness can bring about insecurity and powerlessness.  There are even points of terrifying attraction to the darkness because how I felt repulsed with my daily death.  However, lately I have begun to trust this darkness and death.  I am beginning to learn to accept my powerlessness/nothingness and of all things there is a self here.  There is a self in the void, in the darkness and in the death. 

This self within death, for me, is the heart of faith.  It is a realistic faith and is its own value without reference to anyone.  It is a point I trust, even when I cannot deal with the lifelessness anymore.  This faith ask no questions, consents to the meanness of death and learns to accept my having no choices.  I am disappointed in this dying because it has weaned me from my feelings and weaned me from my beliefs.  And yet faith being all there is left is like the sun.  It does not matter if I believe or not because faith becomes this inner Essence and this supportive Presence where death becomes life.                  

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Surrender Your Data, by Michael Quattrone

FaceBook  On Apr 21, 2015 Syd wrote:

I am just beginning to learn this “yes” that is within ‘now or never’ and ‘now and always.’ My connection to the moment, within this “yes,” is my mind moving from chaos into serenity. My mental chaos has always created my deep reactions. I would speculate and theorize, examining ideas from every angle and endlessly producing new interpretations, until I would lose the forest for the trees. Because there was no sense of certitude everything remain hanging in the air, even in a cloud of possibilities. So this “yes” is this acceptance of life exactly as it is. The “yes” is providing the ability to accept the conditions I am working with. The “yes” is offering a deeper serenity, even an opening to allow the energies of life to flow.

This “yes” for me is learning I no longer need to cling to anything, inner or outer. I particularly do not need to cling to the endless activity of my mind. This is a radical acceptance of life for me and is a spiritual injunction to “be in the world but not of it,” just as David wrote. I still experience my wanting to hold onto my ideas, so I am not fully within this mind that offers stillness and peace. I will say, though, I accept I am powerless and I beginning to plug into a new outlet that has no electrical current. It no longer matters other than I am awake, sober and in clear contact with my immediate experience.

 

A Circle of Trust, by Parker Palmer

FaceBook  On Apr 14, 2015 Syd wrote:

This writing by Parker Palmer appears to have found his soul in pain and suffering, also finding his soul in a circle of friends who can sit quietly with. My experience of my soul is like an inner landscape. It resembles someone riding a bicycle on a beautiful day and enjoying everything about the flow of the experience. This inner world is this experience of effortless oneness and appears to come from being in union with others. The soul creates a whole picture rather than a particular part. Keeping this unity within existence appears to be this self-realization I need action to embrace life, rather than this internal zone where I feel safe, peaceful, comfortable, and I will not be disturbed by anything.

My soul can daydream. It can be present without content and can be without meaningful awareness of others too. There is safety in my imagination. So to me the soul takes action and to see everything changing and growing, just as my soul grows and changes. The soul is like surrendering my familiar identity and moving into the dynamism of life. It is active role in making life harmonious for everyone. This action creates love and has a dynamic effect on the soul. It is like love melts down barriers and boundaries, constantly restoring awareness with this unity. The sense of separation dissolves and the brilliant light of Divine Love flows within, creating and sustaining everyone and everything.

 

You Cannot Capture Silence, It Captures You, by Richard Rohr

FaceBook  On Mar 31, 2015 Syd wrote:

Silence use to be a raw experience for me and it communicated clearly that my thought process was complex and convoluted. I would become high-strung and my nervous system would tune to a high pitch. I hated silence because I could not repress my unconsciousness impulses. As a child I considered silence dangerous, which made my thoughts good and safe. Because the world was threatening and unpredictable it ultimately became meaningless. It was meaningless because I thought I had to reject attachment to everything. Then when my mental connections started going haywire because of my cell disease, it felt like I had to move into silence as a way of stopping my rejection of everything. For five years I have done my daily quiet meditation, feeling at times this glowing hateful silence and other times I could allow my thoughts to arise and disappear into stillness and peacefulness. Silence has awaken me to a deeper self beyond my thoughts, my feelings, my perceptions and even my own body. This silence is this constant clarification I have had too much attachment to my thoughts. This silence is penetrating and offers this brilliant clarity, yet I also have felt stripped into nothingness. The nothingness communicated what my parents felt about me, nothing of value. So at times my silence has been perverse and dark, empty and intense, yet for some unknown reason I have found faith in this silence. This faith tells me I no longer need to convince myself certain things are true. It is like silence can hold life and death, good and evil, love and indifference together as a verifying gift from silence. I enjoy the stillness and peace. There are also those times when I feel to overly empty and without nourishing sustenance my whole body becomes filled with horror and uncertainty. Silence to me, therefore, is like walking off the edge of the world and it takes more faith than I can produce at times. Silence is Divine awareness and sometimes can be true craziness for me, and other t  See full.

Silence use to be a raw experience for me and it communicated clearly that my thought process was complex and convoluted. I would become high-strung and my nervous system would tune to a high pitch. I hated silence because I could not repress my unconsciousness impulses. As a child I considered silence dangerous, which made my
thoughts good and safe. Because the world was threatening and unpredictable it ultimately became meaningless. It was meaningless because I thought I had to reject attachment to everything. Then when my mental connections started going haywire because of my cell disease, it felt like I had to move into silence as a way of stopping my rejection of everything.

For five years I have done my daily quiet meditation, feeling at times this glowing hateful silence and other times I could allow my thoughts to arise and disappear into stillness and peacefulness. Silence has awaken me to a deeper self beyond my thoughts, my feelings, my perceptions and even my own body. This silence is this constant clarification I have had too much attachment to my thoughts. This silence is penetrating and offers this brilliant clarity, yet I also have felt stripped into nothingness. The nothingness communicated what my parents felt about me, nothing of value. So at times my silence has been perverse and dark, empty and intense, yet for some unknown reason I have found faith in this silence.

This faith tells me I no longer need to convince myself certain things are true. It is like silence can hold life and death, good and evil, love and indifference together as a verifying gift from silence. I enjoy the stillness and peace. There are also those times when I feel to overly empty and without nourishing sustenance my whole body becomes filled with horror and uncertainty. Silence to me, therefore, is like walking off the edge of the world and it takes more faith than I can produce at times. Silence is Divine awareness and sometimes can be true craziness for me, and other times my faith emerges with this unshakable confidence with this deep awareness of Presence.

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A Question of Story, by Thomas Berry

FaceBook  On Mar 24, 2015 Syd wrote:

Much of the old story was fear of separation from others and this broken union with others. This union with others offers inner security, yet living through others can also be bad as it is a life of illusion. I feel we are now beginning to find realistic faith in ourselves. I believe people are beginning to find their own authority from within and a faith within themselves. This realistic faith I believe is also breaking down this dualistic mind between ourselves and the rest of the world.  This essential split between the known and the unknown, the dangerous and the safe, the devil and the angel, heaven and hell no longer works. The New Story is this unshakable confidence, even when things go wrong, the real and the true cannot be lost. This New Story of the Universe appears to be moving toward unity consciousness.

 

The Reality of the Illusory World, by Rupert Spira

FaceBook  On Feb 10, 2015 Syd wrote:

Wow, David I always appreciate your thoughts and your words. You appear to have this ability to penetrate life profoundly and at the same time comprehending it broadly. I experience you with a knowing-ness and aware-ness that offers you direct apprehension of the Essence of life. You make this Essence clear because you make the nature of my mind clear. Your clarity is your underlying depths and then you bring everything into Oneness. This is brilliant clarity and speaks of you being closer to a contemplative than just a thinker. Your contemplative mind is experienced where you appear to allow nothing to stick in your consciousness and you penetrate complexity with simplicity. This is to say David, your faith speaks for you and your open mind, a contemplative mind which offers us the key to understand the whole. I appreciate your faith where you teach absolute certitude cannot be achieved and itself is an illusion.

This is to say, you tickle my faith and you help me to observe life with an open mind. And it seems silly faith can be playful and winsome, yet it is rewarding as you offer this trust.

 

Difference Between Healing and Curing, by Michael Lerner, PhD

FaceBook  On Feb 3, 2015 Syd wrote:

I appreciate Dr. Lerner communicating, “Curing is what a physician seeks to offer you. Healing, however, comes from within us. It's what *we* bring to the table. Healing can be described as a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual process of coming home.” This coming home to me has had many dark nights. It feels like coming home to my soul rather than my egoic mind. This coming home has involved lots of metanio (change of heart). In my soul healing, forty years, there has been lots of metanio where everything has been turned around. I started my first ten years with the sewer running out of my mouth, then ten years later snakes were curling in my stomach, another ten years of depression and alienation from myself and others, and then another ten years feeling like a bum on the street. It came to the point I thought I had no ability to function and I was doomed. I gradually let go of my tormented consciousness by releasing myself from my depression and despair, feeling inadequate and defective, even letting go of my fear that I was unimportant and undesirable. This brought me home to where I felt this deep peace, self-respect and this enormous dignity. For some unknown reason, though, I had to leave this peaceful home.  A few years later my cells stop producing energy for my muscles and I had to leave work. I had no questions asking “why me.” I just felt confused and unanchored to anything permanent within myself. Because I had no purpose from work it felt like my house burned to the ground. Then a few years later I came to a crossroad, which started placing my experiences behind me. Gradually I moved into a new home, only this house is completely empty and is a house with no doors. It feels like faith and serenity is all I have to counteract the terror and the despair. Just lately I have felt this need to be quiet. It feels like in this place of stillness is this realization of my own value is without reference to anything or anyone.  See full.

I appreciate Dr. Lerner communicating, “Curing is what a physician seeks to offer you. Healing, however, comes from within us. It's what *we* bring to the table. Healing can be described as a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual process of coming home.” This coming home to me has had many dark nights. It feels like coming home to my soul rather than my egoic mind. This coming home has involved lots of metanio (change of heart).

In my soul healing, forty years, there has been lots of metanio where everything has been turned around. I started my first ten years with the sewer running out of my mouth, then ten years later snakes were curling in my stomach, another ten years of depression and alienation from myself and others, and then another ten years feeling like a bum on the street. It came to the point I thought I had no ability to function and I was doomed. I gradually let go of my tormented consciousness by releasing myself from my depression and despair, feeling inadequate and defective, even letting go of my fear that I was unimportant and undesirable. This brought me home to where I felt this deep peace, self-respect and this enormous dignity. For some unknown reason, though, I had to leave this peaceful home.

 A few years later my cells stop producing energy for my muscles and I had to leave work. I had no questions asking “why me.” I just felt confused and unanchored to anything permanent within myself. Because I had no purpose from work it felt like my house burned to the ground. Then a few years later I came to a crossroad, which started placing my experiences behind me. Gradually I moved into a new home, only this house is completely empty and is a house with no doors. It feels like faith and serenity is all I have to counteract the terror and the despair.

Just lately I have felt this need to be quiet. It feels like in this place of stillness is this realization of my own value is without reference to anything or anyone. This appears to be real faith and trust. This place of quiet and stillness appears to express I am entering into non-attachment. Non-attachment is this quality where I do not cling to anything, inner or outer. Everything still touches me, yet I am beginning to feel transformed by my empty house.

The key I have found in my empty homes is learning to live by faith or trust. This offers a recognition of support and serenity, where I feel no need for effort or striving. There is this unshakable confidence to allow myself to rest. The spiritual healing of my soul is learning to be still and quiet. It offers this rest, which allows everything to arise and disappear in a state of stillness and peace.

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Going Beyond the Roles We Play, by Mack Paul

FaceBook  On Jan 13, 2015 Syd wrote:

I have gradually lost touch with myself by subordinating myself to roles and social conventions, even seeing myself through someone else's eyes. The problem is I felt my role in life should fulfill me and in certain ways it did. Now with no role in life it creates this disillusionment about life. It makes me feel lost and I sometimes feel my mind spinning and drifting into this psychic pain. It seems rather than trying to deny my pain there seems to be this need to become my pain and this is gradually dissolving the pain.

In my becoming my pain and living with serenity from within, I have noticed my mind starting to create this opening to quieter mind. My mind seems to be more clear and I feel myself becoming aware of the Supreme Being itself is my source and origin of a true identity. There is no concept or belief here and is beginning to be a direct experience of simply resting. It is like I am dropping a social consciousness, my role, and living behind my experience. I am beginning to just watch.

My mind being quieter and watching even within my emptiness with no role, seems paradoxical to me. I still experience myself as a personal being but I also experience my quieter mind beginning to center into Essence. It is like my projects and my preoccupations are being turned around by this quiet mind. There is no work, no role to participate in, and is like moving beyond my beliefs in a role. In my ego's perspective this is all wrong, yet my faith saying Essence will be felt, like the sun.

Writing this helped my quiet. It was like realizing my satisfaction is not found in a particular experience or a role. Rather, the quality is this awareness of Presence is what gives this quiet its satisfying quality. It is just a place to begin.  I want to say thanks to everyone because writing this is like a refreshing breeze.

 

Creating Welcoming Space, by Sister Marilyn Lacey

FaceBook  On Jan 6, 2015 Syd wrote:

This welcoming space is an important quality and appears everyone is awakening this within themselves on this site. I also feel welcomed here on this site where everyone is respectful of each others individuality and everyone is considerate. It seems everyone is allowed to find their own way in life on Awakening and is without anyone trying to be in control. I also feel on Awakening no one is using each other as a function of themselves or objects to be used for our own gratification. The space is this sharp sense of everyone's unique otherness, as well as the otherness of everything. Everyone appears sensitive and respectful of the individuality of each other. The message that everyone is valuable because we are each individuals is a welcoming space. On Awakening I experience the depths of everyone's heart where I can learn to simply and genuinely be myself. It is the clarification of my boundaries and borders.

 

Not Resisting Resistance, by Peter Russell

FaceBook  On Dec 30, 2014 Syd wrote:

Wow, this "not resisting resistance" truly is serenity. The sirens during meditation reminds me of my internal chaos and my needing to escape my crushing negative consciousness. In fact I have only been meditating four years because meditation would make my nervous system tuned to a high pitch. When I tired to meditate my repressed unconscious impulses would erupt into my mind and in my body. I would become burning hot, sweating, and then the sewer ran out of my mouth. I instantaneously became fatigued, terribly confused, and racked with self-doubt. Everything became so complex and exhausting. Meditation would cause me to suddenly block all my feelings and it felt like life was being drained out of me. So I gave up on meditation many times, even from having any meaningful desires, because I did not want to hurt anymore. The chasm of inner darkness would open up inside, like a black hole draining life out of me. Meditation just became a source of torment and it felt like it was mocking me. However, I have gradually became aware I was looking for ways to do away with my tormented consciousness. Because of physical circumstances where my cells no longer produce energy for my muscles I started meditating to learn to accept the good and the bad. It felt like there was nowhere to hide and I was forced to acknowledge disquieting parts about myself. Being sensitive to my subconscious was like a message in a bottle washing up on the shore of my consciousness. Nothingness and emptiness was the message. This place made me feel edgy, a certain death and walking off the edge of the world. Something from within, faith and courage, began counteracting this terror and despair. Just this last year I felt this need to leap into this nothingness and to let it be who I am. And it is just lately I notice a potential here, where death and life meet together. Another way to express this is it feels like my internal silence is bowing to the external silence and these two silences are conn  See full.

Wow, this "not resisting resistance" truly is serenity. The sirens during meditation reminds me of my internal chaos and my needing to escape my crushing negative consciousness. In fact I have only been meditating four years because meditation would make my nervous system tuned to a high pitch. When I tired to meditate my repressed unconscious impulses would erupt into my mind and in my body. I would become burning hot, sweating, and then the sewer ran out of my mouth. I instantaneously became fatigued, terribly confused, and racked with self-doubt. Everything became so complex and exhausting.

Meditation would cause me to suddenly block all my feelings and it felt like life was being drained out of me. So I gave up on meditation many times, even from having any meaningful desires, because I did not want to hurt anymore. The chasm of inner darkness would open up inside, like a black hole draining life out of me. Meditation just became a source of torment and it felt like it was mocking me. However, I have gradually became aware I was looking for ways to do away with my tormented consciousness.

Because of physical circumstances where my cells no longer produce energy for my muscles I started meditating to learn to accept the good and the bad. It felt like there was nowhere to hide and I was forced to acknowledge disquieting parts about myself. Being sensitive to my subconscious was like a message in a bottle washing up on the shore of my consciousness. Nothingness and emptiness was the message. This place made me feel edgy, a certain death and walking off the edge of the world.

Something from within, faith and courage, began counteracting this terror and despair. Just this last year I felt this need to leap into this nothingness and to let it be who I am. And it is just lately I notice a potential here, where death and life meet together. Another way to express this is it feels like my internal silence is bowing to the external silence and these two silences are connecting. It feels like a point of death and I am surrendering to this silence and it is everything.

From this nothingness I feel like my boundaries are falling apart. The connection is my contradictions are held together in the silence. I will also say this makes my faith feel like it has no reference to anything or anyone. Faith is silence. Silence is its own value, the silence that surrounds everything and everything emanates from there. The emptiness is paradoxically creating itself, like my identity is learning to be centered in Essence. The nothingness and my empty bottle is meeting as a still point and it feels like just a place to begin.

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Kindness Includes Everything, by George Saunders

FaceBook  On Dec 23, 2014 Syd wrote:

 
Dave, I would agree with you I was too deep.  I was trying to observe interrelated patterns between boundaries and innocence and the kind act in lowering my boundaries.  And I appreiate you letting me know I was to complex.  It is time to start learning to transcend rational thought.

I also want to say I appreciate your faith, as it appears very realistic, even your own value without reference to anyone or anything.  Your faith appears solid and secure, even without any self-congratulaton.  Your center of faith is felt and is a gift to each of us.            

 

Kindness Includes Everything, by George Saunders

FaceBook  On Dec 23, 2014 Syd wrote:

When I read this writing "Kindness Includes Everything" I thought of a three year old child saying loud and clear, "I am and I am not." There seems to be a living spite at this age, even a malice that begins to loses contact with this inner Essence. And for me personally, because I felt deeply cut off from the Ground of Being in my early years, it now feels like I am seeking this constant support and reinforcement from the Supreme Being. It is as if my beliefs are seeking an agenda and to sustain me in a particular identity. However, because of physical circumstances, I have had to drop my beliefs and even trying to convince myself certain beliefs are true. Faith is becoming the actual support and presence. It is like the direct experience of Essence. Breaking this boundary between what "I am and what I am not" is kindness. This kindness appears to be seeing through this boundary and recognizing the invention within my own mind. Breaking this boundary feels like simply resting in and learning to be one with my true identity. The real clarity is I no longer work at it. I feel like I am learning to surrender into being nothing and paradoxically this is everything. The down fall to this nothingness is it feels like walking off the edge of the world, my end or my death. Faith is all there is to counteract the terror and despair and at the same time it is the starting point where everything begins within this Void. This place to just begin is kindness and maybe this is simplicity itself. It is where there is no artificial manipulation. It is just this place where my response to life and other people is completely sincere, direct, and heartfelt. It feels like this kindness is unselfconscious because it is one with the world. Maybe kindness can awaken this innocence, this largeness of heart, where there is no boundaries. And it seems faith, this unshakable confidence, is all that can go here where I am not bound by my beliefs, doubts, and learned procedures. It  See full.

When I read this writing "Kindness Includes Everything" I thought of a three year old child saying loud and clear, "I am and I am not." There seems to be a living spite at this age, even a malice that begins to loses contact with this inner Essence. And for me personally, because I felt deeply cut off from the Ground of Being in my early years, it now feels like I am seeking this constant support and reinforcement from the Supreme Being. It is as if my beliefs are seeking an agenda and to sustain me in a particular identity. However, because of physical circumstances, I have had to drop my beliefs and even trying to convince myself certain beliefs are true. Faith is becoming the actual support and presence. It is like the direct experience of Essence.

Breaking this boundary between what "I am and what I am not" is kindness. This kindness appears to be seeing through this boundary and recognizing the invention within my own mind. Breaking this boundary feels like simply resting in and learning to be one with my true identity. The real clarity is I no longer work at it. I feel like I am learning to surrender into being nothing and paradoxically this is everything. The down fall to this nothingness is it feels like walking off the edge of the world, my end or my death. Faith is all there is to counteract the terror and despair and at the same time it is the starting point where everything begins within this Void.

This place to just begin is kindness and maybe this is simplicity itself. It is where there is no artificial manipulation. It is just this place where my response to life and other people is completely sincere, direct, and heartfelt. It feels like this kindness is unselfconscious because it is one with the world. Maybe kindness can awaken this innocence, this largeness of heart, where there is no boundaries. And it seems faith, this unshakable confidence, is all that can go here where I am not bound by my beliefs, doubts, and learned procedures. It feels like kindness is truly a clarification of all my boundaries and even seeing through boundaries. This is Essence and is felt with everyone here and truly is the significance of your presence.

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Our Environment Is An Integrated Whole, by Ganoba

FaceBook  On Dec 17, 2014 Sydf wrote:

Joy, thank you for your faith and thank you for allowing your faith to be your starting point in life.  Your faith is your value and you offer a special hope.  Thank you! 

 

Our Environment Is An Integrated Whole, by Ganoba

FaceBook  On Dec 17, 2014 Syd wrote:

 
David, I thank you deeply for being real with me and I thank you for telling me not to "ruin" my (our) transformation by trying to understand it.  From within your words I hear you saying I can no longer impose my thoughts on life.  This place seems like transcending rational thought and it moves into a level beyond comprehension, theories and symbols.  It feels like from this transformaton we become an observer or a witness.  It is learning to BE.  So I appreciate you being real with me, being concrete, and making truth a direct experience. 


Make no apology for who you are David, as your faith speaks for you, your stability and your support.    

 

Our Environment Is An Integrated Whole, by Ganoba

FaceBook  On Dec 16, 2014 Syd wrote:

Making money is the means by which we become self-sufficient. This quest for success takes risks and when the risks reap financial rewards it creates pshchic rewards. There is enjoyment and high feeling when we prevail in challenging situations. There is also the enjoyment of work and work offers the arena to assert ourselves, and hence to maintain the sense of self. Making deals and taking risk is not only making money, it is a way of literally making more of ourselves. Money is the yardstick which we measure ourselves and the success in life. Above all, money is the only thing we can depend on to feel self-sufficient. It is a source of security. Money seems certain. It is the sure means to get our way. Money is like ego inflation and once it is set in motion it is difficult to stop. So what is important about money is our ego and the other side of this coin is our pride. The balancing between money and the ego, achieving something truly great for others, is getting past the ego. Getting past the ego can actualize an objective value, achieve real peace, or help others in concrete ways. The essence of greatness is the ability to find ways to alleviate the burdens of others and making life better for everyone. Peace and prosperity creates a common immediate circle to the world. This circle is not without ego, but the ego is in service of something outside. It influence others to obtain goals which is valuable to everyone. The bottom line making money is empowering, and I hate to say this, but God is boring. The Psalm says, "Be still and know I am God" and to me this feels like resignation and giving up. When I am still my attention shifts away from any real needs. Ironically, I lose interest, little energy or little relating, and I drift off and others drift away. So this transcending the ego may take a high state of integration and transforming everything, but I have not adjusted to this black-hole where there is no achievement or no accomplishment. This stillness  See full.

Making money is the means by which we become self-sufficient. This quest for success takes risks and when the risks reap financial rewards it creates pshchic rewards. There is enjoyment and high feeling when we prevail in challenging situations. There is also the enjoyment of work and work offers the arena to assert ourselves, and hence to maintain the sense of self. Making deals and taking risk is not only making money, it is a way of literally making more of ourselves.

Money is the yardstick which we measure ourselves and the success in life. Above all, money is the only thing we can depend on to feel self-sufficient. It is a source of security. Money seems certain. It is the sure means to get our way. Money is like ego inflation and once it is set in motion it is difficult to stop. So what is important about money is our ego and the other side of this coin is our pride.

The balancing between money and the ego, achieving something truly great for others, is getting past the ego. Getting past the ego can actualize an objective value, achieve real peace, or help others in concrete ways. The essence of greatness is the ability to find ways to alleviate the burdens of others and making life better for everyone. Peace and prosperity creates a common immediate circle to the world. This circle is not without ego, but the ego is in service of something outside. It influence others to obtain goals which is valuable to everyone.

The bottom line making money is empowering, and I hate to say this, but God is boring. The Psalm says, "Be still and know I am God" and to me this feels like resignation and giving up. When I am still my attention shifts away from any real needs. Ironically, I lose interest, little energy or little relating, and I drift off and others drift away. So this transcending the ego may take a high state of integration and transforming everything, but I have not adjusted to this black-hole where there is no achievement or no accomplishment. This stillness is closer to despair and depression than the glory of God.

I realize I want my ego gratified and I realize there is no making any sales pitch convincing to God to do otherwise. I just want to get out of this neutral gear and shift into overdrive of self-promotion. There is something within my ego that wants to advertise myself relentlessly and even make myself better than I am. However, this arrogant and cocky high impression never works, just as money never works to measure myself with God. I, therefore, feel bored and my experience of God is like gathering a cloud, which may produce great power or merely dissipate in the next breeze. Something is missing and I cannot quite put my finger on it, but I feel the lack none the less.

I can only say because I am not making money and I am on disability I am bored with life. Everything feels like nothingness. There is nothing to believe in, nothing true or nothing valuable. The darkness is rather perverse. There is also an underlying depths and a transformation within this nothingness that offers clarity. Yet to my ego mind I cannot understand it, so I feel boredom. Maybe there is a spiritual injunction "to be in the world but not of it" only I have not grasped this inner Essence that is beyond my ego mind. 

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A Heart Wide Open, by Joel and Michelle Levy

FaceBook  On Dec 9, 2014 Syd wrote:

My own personal suffering turned into mental chaos, which  has been so deep my disappointment with myself intensified into a consuming self-hared.  My own endless suffering made it impossible to face the worlds suffering and I even felt vulnerable and unsure experiencing other peoples' suffering.   Suffering walks beside disillusionment and then when life feels hopeless it creates suicidal panic attacks or it triggers off an addiction to escape the suffering.  So for me to stop running from my suffering by my addictions I have had to find serenity.  From this serene mind with faith this has created non-attachment. 

Non-attachment appears to offer a compassion to suffering because there is no attachment to suffering.  There is no fear or this endless activity of the mind wanting an escape this identity.  There is something about non-attachment that offers faith within the void of suffering.  This non-attachment feels empty, yet it is quiet and is just watching.  Non-attachment appears to be faith and serenity together not based on my thoughts, not on my feelings, not on my body, nor my perceptions.  It seems everything arises and disappears into this stillness and peace, a compassionate giving, where suffering and chaos begin to dissolve. 

I am just beginning to touch this non-attachment to suffering, to chaos, and is a radical acceptance where serenity becomes faith and faith is serenity.  It is where there is no effort or striving.  Just this still point to suffering, letting go as faith and serenity becomes  compassionate.             

 

A Pledge For Grateful Living, by Brother David Steindl-Rast

FaceBook  On Nov 26, 2014 Syd wrote:

In my appreciation for life I am thankful for learning to surrender to the value of faith without reference to anyone. I need to say this faith feels empty.  Because of my beliefs and my identity within my beliefs this faith feels like nothingness.  Therefore, to counteract the terror and despair this faith is a leap into the unknown.  There is no accomplishment or a particular achievement, as this faith is Divine awareness.  This faith is its own value, an unshakable confidence, where its Essence cannot be lost or harmed, even within the void.  The IS emerges beyond beliefs and what is learned.  Faith centers in Essence, like Divine awareness, and is a still point.  This faith falls into being nothing, empty, and paradoxically everything.  Faith can do no other, is its own support, and makes everything already here the Supreme Being.      

 

Who are you, really?, by Kosi

FaceBook  On Nov 23, 2014 Syd wrote:

Thanks Me and your enormous faith offers such a special hope.  In a direct way your confidence offers hope to those suffering deep hopelessness.  I also realize you can transcend your faith being affirmed, as your faith is not motivated for applause.  I just want you to know what your faith offers and the seeds you plant.  Hope, the starting point in life and your Hope makes everything else possible.        

 

Who are you, really?, by Kosi

FaceBook  On Nov 23, 2014 Syd wrote:

This an excellent spiritual thought David and I have had to much overheated mental associations.  My escaping this trap takes tremendous faith, yet when I am centered on what supports me and feel at ease it takes little faith.  There seems to be a point real faith is letting go and even letting go of life itself is faith.  Maybe this creates the union you are writing about.  This union would resolve the gap and it feels like faith is all there is to hold this together.  It seems this faith is not knowing and a quiet mind takes the lead.        

 

Who are you, really?, by Kosi

FaceBook  On Nov 21, 2014 Syd wrote:

Sleep tight, you express “standing in the gap.”  This is a very good understanding of what I was writing.  Much of the time this “gap” feels like an existential void, meaninglessness.  Then there are those moments the “gap” creates a deeper and more essential self.  When I can be this inner-observer it seems to be a higher state, and yet this dark force within does not want me to be aware of anything higher.  The best I can tell is learning to accept the conditions I am working with, relaxing, and allowing the energies of life to flow within this darkness.  This creates a serenity within the “gap” seems to allow me to not feel separate from others.   There seems to be no particular image or idea of myself here.  There is just this delightful contact with you and you with me, which you express.  What is true here cannot be separated, a creative flow and cannot be otherwise.  So maybe we are learning the “gap” is the source of everything, the core of our true identity, creating and sustaining us.  It is simply resting in this dynamic force that melts down our barriers and boundaries.  This sense of separateness is dissolving, a bright light, and if I may say is your love.    I hope I am not reading too much in what you are saying and truly appreciate your love itself which dissolves the sense of separation.  I could write more, yet I do not want my feelings and impulses to be unseemly and unflattering.  I just believe we are communicating in a direct way, reflecting our inner essence, and allowing it to be.  And while this is all seriousness there is also this sense that none of it is serious at all   Just a spontaneous response, an opening, and a meaning beyond what I intended to create.    May inner peace be with you!                  See full.

Sleep tight, you express “standing in the gap.”  This is a very good understanding of what I was writing.  Much of the time this “gap” feels like an existential void, meaninglessness.  Then there are those moments the “gap” creates a deeper and more essential self.  When I can be this inner-observer it seems to be a higher state, and yet this dark force within does not want me to be aware of anything higher.  The best I can tell is learning to accept the conditions I am working with, relaxing, and allowing the energies of life to flow within this darkness.  This creates a serenity within the “gap” seems to allow me to not feel separate from others.
 
There seems to be no particular image or idea of myself here.  There is just this delightful contact with you and you with me, which you express.  What is true here cannot be separated, a creative flow and cannot be otherwise.  So maybe we are learning the “gap” is the source of everything, the core of our true identity, creating and sustaining us.  It is simply resting in this dynamic force that melts down our barriers and boundaries.  This sense of separateness is dissolving, a bright light, and if I may say is your love. 
 
I hope I am not reading too much in what you are saying and truly appreciate your love itself which dissolves the sense of separation.  I could write more, yet I do not want my feelings and impulses to be unseemly and unflattering.  I just believe we are communicating in a direct way, reflecting our inner essence, and allowing it to be.  And while this is all seriousness there is also this sense that none of it is serious at all   Just a spontaneous response, an opening, and a meaning beyond what I intended to create. 
 
May inner peace be with you!                

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Who are you, really?, by Kosi

FaceBook  On Nov 18, 2014 Syd wrote:

 “The truth of who you are cannot be thought” is a high level of consciousness. This takes the ability to transcend my self-consciousness and create an opening.  It is a place of listening to my inner voice while remaining open to my impressions of the environment.  This place is a complete letting go and filters raw material through the unconscious.  It is touching these unconscious impulses.  The quality can be inspiration and something which comes spontaneously, even beyond conscious control.    This light of awareness, a spontaneous response where I renew ad redeem the self by transcending the ego, is soul-making.  This also creates this hole in my soul, like a gap between the inner-observer and my ego personality.   When I can rest here there is real freedom, yet I constantly struggle with my reactive and automatic forces within me.  It creates hidden conflict and contradictions.  My human nature abhors this empty space.  It makes me experience this trap of being powerless and then I project my thoughts on life.   This being powerless is a belief and I am now learning to rest in realistic faith.  Also, to be honest, there are still my doubts and certainties here.  This faith comes and goes like a ghost and my faith cannot be summoned at will.  This space can be unsettling, difficult to identify or resolve.  It seems courage needs to be brought into consciousness so this endless stream of positive and negative thoughts/feelings can be accepted.  Courage draws on the Essential and is imbedded in the real, the vital and the solid.   Courage is no thoughts and is like acquiring a taste for nonidentification.  It is encounter with death, and is wake up call to something deeper.  It is where Essence is felt and experienced.  The moment becomes and doubts, beliefs and learn procedures go.  The moment becomes faith, the Essential, and gives th  See full.

 “The truth of who you are cannot be thought” is a high level of consciousness. This takes the ability to transcend my self-consciousness and create an opening.  It is a place of listening to my inner voice while remaining open to my impressions of the environment.  This place is a complete letting go and filters raw material through the unconscious.  It is touching these unconscious impulses.  The quality can be inspiration and something which comes spontaneously, even beyond conscious control. 
 
This light of awareness, a spontaneous response where I renew ad redeem the self by transcending the ego, is soul-making.  This also creates this hole in my soul, like a gap between the inner-observer and my ego personality.   When I can rest here there is real freedom, yet I constantly struggle with my reactive and automatic forces within me.  It creates hidden conflict and contradictions.  My human nature abhors this empty space.  It makes me experience this trap of being powerless and then I project my thoughts on life.
 
This being powerless is a belief and I am now learning to rest in realistic faith.  Also, to be honest, there are still my doubts and certainties here.  This faith comes and goes like a ghost and my faith cannot be summoned at will.  This space can be unsettling, difficult to identify or resolve.  It seems courage needs to be brought into consciousness so this endless stream of positive and negative thoughts/feelings can be accepted.  Courage draws on the Essential and is imbedded in the real, the vital and the solid.
 
Courage is no thoughts and is like acquiring a taste for nonidentification.  It is encounter with death, and is wake up call to something deeper.  It is where Essence is felt and experienced.  The moment becomes and doubts, beliefs and learn procedures go.  The moment becomes faith, the Essential, and gives this inner freedom to be spontaneous to whatever emerges in the moment.  My being spontaneous is a measure of my faith, no thoughts, and is an opening --- just a place to begin.                       

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Practice of Being Real, by Carol Carnes

FaceBook  On Nov 13, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Thanks al and inner peace to you.  

 

Practice of Being Real, by Carol Carnes

FaceBook  On Nov 13, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Avriane, I truly agree with you that what I wrote is similar to others.  Maybe I feel shameful and misunderstood by people, yet that does not make me unique.  It is simply good you are being real with me.  I also know from experience my ego-activity tries to make my personality feel real and valuable.  My ego energy needs to build up my self-image.  Therefore, realness is tricky, as I need to see if I am investing energy into cultivating my persona or am I a person embodying real authenticity.  Both are real, one is building an image (successful career, presenting myself favorably, achieving goals)   and the other is my value is not based on a particular achievement (Essential identity). To me, being real can be a concept or a belief and the other side it is no concept or belief. Being real can be cut off from the ground of Being and the other side Being itself is the source of my true identity.  The rich consciousness or being real is being aware I am not completely in control of either.
 
I will look into Carol Carnes’ daily message and again appreciate you being real with me.  There is nothing more satisfying, your realness meeting my realness, and liberating us both from this role we must play.        

 

Practice of Being Real, by Carol Carnes

FaceBook  On Nov 11, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Thanks me and thanks for your special value as a person.   Your caring and good heart makes a difference. 

 

Practice of Being Real, by Carol Carnes

FaceBook  On Nov 11, 2014 Syd wrote:

 “Truth sets us free" and from this I hear you saying nothing else is will satisfy.   Very good Courage and your tile speaks hidden words for you.  Because of your title I assume you have made this shift of seeing all good residing in others to now having your own realistic faith in yourself.  Courage appears to be your own inner strength.  Courage speaks of your maturity, being your own person, and now living in your own inner freedom.   Thanks!  

 

Practice of Being Real, by Carol Carnes

FaceBook  On Nov 11, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Realness is a rich conscious life and being real can also be unsettling for me.  When I am emotionally honest and real I feel like I antagonize people and I embarrass them.  I want to communicate the whole of me, the bad along with the good, doubts along with certainties, yet not all people want to be aware of human incongruities.  I feel like others wish I was not so candid about myself.  I may feel if it is the authentic thing to do, to reveal myself with directness and be genuine, even at the expense of pain, but others do not like this message.  It can distance me from people because my willingness to talk about flaws and irrationalities that appears to be painful and disturbing for people.           My being real can also move me into self-absorption rather than principles.  When I get caught into feeling something is missing in my life I want to find the source of my unease.  It can cause me to compare myself to others and I will believe others possess qualities I do not have.  Other people had better childhoods, better parents, or just better luck.  People seem more alive and more whole, better careers, more productive lives, better marriages.  The problem is being real can make me over identify with my inner deficiency and my wound.    Gradually over the years I have learned my ego needs this constant support and reinforcement.  It needs to compare me to those other people.  For example, when I am feeling confused and unanchored to anything permanent within it creates this constant self-questioning and start comparing myself to others.  My ego needs this particular identity and then I go off in the impossible task of doing the best it knows how, looking at those people.  This creates this fixation that makes me extremely self-conscious and it profoundly cuts me off from any source of identity.  So from this I have learned I cann  See full.

 Realness is a rich conscious life and being real can also be unsettling for me.  When I am emotionally honest and real I feel like I antagonize people and I embarrass them.  I want to communicate the whole of me, the bad along with the good, doubts along with certainties, yet not all people want to be aware of human incongruities.  I feel like others wish I was not so candid about myself.  I may feel if it is the authentic thing to do, to reveal myself with directness and be genuine, even at the expense of pain, but others do not like this message.  It can distance me from people because my willingness to talk about flaws and irrationalities that appears to be painful and disturbing for people.        
 
My being real can also move me into self-absorption rather than principles.  When I get caught into feeling something is missing in my life I want to find the source of my unease.  It can cause me to compare myself to others and I will believe others possess qualities I do not have.  Other people had better childhoods, better parents, or just better luck.  People seem more alive and more whole, better careers, more productive lives, better marriages.  The problem is being real can make me over identify with my inner deficiency and my wound. 
 
Gradually over the years I have learned my ego needs this constant support and reinforcement.  It needs to compare me to those other people.  For example, when I am feeling confused and unanchored to anything permanent within it creates this constant self-questioning and start comparing myself to others.  My ego needs this particular identity and then I go off in the impossible task of doing the best it knows how, looking at those people.  This creates this fixation that makes me extremely self-conscious and it profoundly cuts me off from any source of identity.  So from this I have learned I cannot do anything to be myself or to be real. 
 
Realness is now learning to rest and to become aware of Being itself is my true identity.  The more I try to resolve a particular image or even become a particular image the more I lose contact with who I am.  Realness is the immediate richness of Being.  It is not separate from anything and is learning to genuinely rest, which creates this creative flow.  It cannot be otherwise.  So to me being real is creating an opening to my hidden depths and simply resting in being true to this identity. 
 
This awareness has both devil and the angel, and I can be sensitive to both.  It is now transcending this ego self, a complete letting go, by being true to what IS.  The ISNESS is Being real.  It is a leap of faith and learning to allow nothing to “stick” in my consciousness.  This is edgy, like a walk into nothingness, yet faith is the support and everything emanates from there.  So to me, being real is realistic faith and is its own value without reference to anything or anyone.    
 
I need to say, being real is recognizing the miracle of your existence and is the significance of your presence.    

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Be Nobody, by Lama Marut

FaceBook  On Nov 4, 2014 Syd wrote:

 When I was a child I felt I had no value and I felt considered as nobody.  I withdrew trying to find my identity in my imagination and in my feelings.  I also needed to understand my unsafe environment and at the same time defend myself against it.  Because I felt not welcomed into the world, out of place, and unwanted I felt this overwhelming sense of this essential flaw.  It was so deep I felt it could not be healed, causing me to wet the bed for thirty-nine years.  (War creates bed wetting).  This stinking self-awareness created lots of hostility and negative feelings toward myself.  I withdrew more in search for myself and I felt this hopelessness was the current which I had to constantly swim against.  At age fifty my emotional turbulence and emotional stress finally broke my body down to where my cells could no longer work properly.   Dragging my body around in exhaustion and no purpose once again felt like stepping into nothingness.  It felt like I was walking off the edge of the world.  This nothingness within my memory kept communicating, “Yea, nothing in the world with which I can identify with, nothing true or valuable in which I can believe in.  There is nothing left to which I can attach myself.  This is my end, my death.”  In this nothingness I also realized the story I had been telling myself for a long time was my own fabrication.     Most of my previous years I worked with determination against my fear of nothingness and now it felt like I had only created this delusional mind of making my fears fulfilled and more consuming.  My cells were not processing energy, especially in my heart.  My brain felt crazy and the madman would attack, making my mental connections go haywire.  From Alcoholics Anonymous, though, I new I had to let go of my mind being filled with terror.  The best I could tell was I had to make a leap of faith from the  See full.

 When I was a child I felt I had no value and I felt considered as nobody.  I withdrew trying to find my identity in my imagination and in my feelings.  I also needed to understand my unsafe environment and at the same time defend myself against it.  Because I felt not welcomed into the world, out of place, and unwanted I felt this overwhelming sense of this essential flaw.  It was so deep I felt it could not be healed, causing me to wet the bed for thirty-nine years.  (War creates bed wetting).  This stinking self-awareness created lots of hostility and negative feelings toward myself.  I withdrew more in search for myself and I felt this hopelessness was the current which I had to constantly swim against.  At age fifty my emotional turbulence and emotional stress finally broke my body down to where my cells could no longer work properly.
 
Dragging my body around in exhaustion and no purpose once again felt like stepping into nothingness.  It felt like I was walking off the edge of the world.  This nothingness within my memory kept communicating, “Yea, nothing in the world with which I can identify with, nothing true or valuable in which I can believe in.  There is nothing left to which I can attach myself.  This is my end, my death.”  In this nothingness I also realized the story I had been telling myself for a long time was my own fabrication.  
 
Most of my previous years I worked with determination against my fear of nothingness and now it felt like I had only created this delusional mind of making my fears fulfilled and more consuming.  My cells were not processing energy, especially in my heart.  My brain felt crazy and the madman would attack, making my mental connections go haywire.  From Alcoholics Anonymous, though, I new I had to let go of my mind being filled with terror.  The best I could tell was I had to make a leap of faith from the known and the unknown.  This leap of faith seemed like all I had to counter act the terror and the despair.
 
My nine years of letting go of my “nothingness” is now beginning to reveal itself as everything.  My identity seems to be learning to center in Essence.  There is more Divine awareness here rather than my projects and preoccupations of my ego personality.  I still have a sense of my personal and individual awareness, yet it seems less important.  There is even this new realization of my own value is without reference to anyone or anything.  There is a sense this is realistic faith and becoming more of a direct experience of my identity as Essence. 
 
So to me learning to “be nobody” has been learning to drop my particular image and ideas of myself.  I cannot do anything to be myself.  It seems, in fact, the more my ego activity slows down and rests the more I aware of Being itself is my origin of my true identity.  Maybe I felt separate from everything and my nothingness became my own self-fulfilling prophecy, and this is only because I was using my ego mind to profoundly cut me off from the ground of Being.  From this I am now learning to allow everything to arise and disappear into a state of profound stillness.  There is even a certain peace here, like self-possession and self-surrender can let go so profoundly this creates mystical overtones.

This seems like a strange language, yet Essence is felt  like the sun here and it does not seem to matter if I believe or not.  Being is a felt and experienced, just as you are all communicating.  
 

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Don't Go Back to Sleep, by Elizabeth Lesser

FaceBook  On Nov 1, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Vi, you may feel everything positive, beautiful, good and worth living for is gone.  You may feel cannot escape this crushing negative self-consciousness.   The depression and despair may feel deep, even cut off from life itself.  Depression creates this feeling there is no choices, utter hopelessness, and everything can become a source of torment.  There are no desires or expectations from depression and can create a sudden blockage of feelings.
 
 If you are feeling depressed, I suggest you look at the choices you are making, even the most simple such as opening a door or drinking a glass of water.  Look for choices to be sensitive to you and offers you respect, and choices that can offers this respect back to yourself.  Make choices that offer you enormous dignity, without self-congratulation, but just being present to yourself as an individual.  Do this daily and gradually you will feel anew freedom.   
 
This being conscious of your choices and making choice for yourself takes a certain discipline, but it will gradually create this Essence that will give you an unshakable confidence.  Your spirit will draw upon the Essential strength and you will feel held up, supported, and helped in staying awake.  You may want to say, "I now choose a drink of water", or whatever is your choice, just make sure you say "now" as it helps the subconscious find its inner Essence.  
 
I believe in you and your presence is significant!                  

 

Don't Go Back to Sleep, by Elizabeth Lesser

FaceBook  On Oct 28, 2014 Syd wrote:

 When I have experienced loses the meaninglessness and grief would compel me to come up with ways to cope with what I had lost.  When I lost my ability to work I have tried a few things to give myself a purpose, yet to have them jerked out from under me.  From this, all I could understand was daily life is hell.  Hell is place where there is no choices, deep despair and depression, alienation and feeling trapped, everything is futile and dying, torment and this inner light is going out, deep hopelessness.  I just felt alienated from myself and others and it goes from bad to worse because no one has the ability to understand.  What is simply missing is a purpose in life.    No purpose creates this constant nagging feeling of something essential is missing.  This puts me into a place where I have had to come face to face with my denial, between what is true and untrue.  From this all I experienced this enormous “gap” between what I have taken myself to be and the truth of who I am.  I, therefore, assumed God would fill in the “gap” by my learning to accept my powerlessness and draw upon God as a deeper source.  Yet I keep having a certain meaning in my life constantly being jerked away, such as my church community.  I realize my deeper states of reactivity here, clarity by letting go, and then back to states of mild ego identification.  It is like I am caught in a web of illusions and life is meant to defeat me.    I still do not understand why this total blockage of life and it is being drained out of me.  The biggest part I have learned about my life, though, is it is full of contradictions.  And it seems these contradictions make no difference because the present moment is always perfect.  It is like the Essence of life is saying a meaninglessness of dying is perfect, because perfection is in the moment.  For my faith to become realistic I ha  See full.

 When I have experienced loses the meaninglessness and grief would compel me to come up with ways to cope with what I had lost.  When I lost my ability to work I have tried a few things to give myself a purpose, yet to have them jerked out from under me.  From this, all I could understand was daily life is hell.  Hell is place where there is no choices, deep despair and depression, alienation and feeling trapped, everything is futile and dying, torment and this inner light is going out, deep hopelessness.  I just felt alienated from myself and others and it goes from bad to worse because no one has the ability to understand.  What is simply missing is a purpose in life. 
 
No purpose creates this constant nagging feeling of something essential is missing.  This puts me into a place where I have had to come face to face with my denial, between what is true and untrue.  From this all I experienced this enormous “gap” between what I have taken myself to be and the truth of who I am.  I, therefore, assumed God would fill in the “gap” by my learning to accept my powerlessness and draw upon God as a deeper source.  Yet I keep having a certain meaning in my life constantly being jerked away, such as my church community.  I realize my deeper states of reactivity here, clarity by letting go, and then back to states of mild ego identification.  It is like I am caught in a web of illusions and life is meant to defeat me. 
 
I still do not understand why this total blockage of life and it is being drained out of me.  The biggest part I have learned about my life, though, is it is full of contradictions.  And it seems these contradictions make no difference because the present moment is always perfect.  It is like the Essence of life is saying a meaninglessness of dying is perfect, because perfection is in the moment.  For my faith to become realistic I had to let go and genuine security is found where there is no effort or striving.  The experience of daily dying has an inherent rightness to it if I can add or subtract nothing from it.  It is a since of right now is all I need and is being awakened from within.     
 
This faith of letting go of life, transcendence, is difficult to explain.  It feels like more qualities of darkness and depression than hope.  Yet this is my ego’s perspective, so it seems the rightness is recognizing the actual support of Presence available right now.  What is true in this moment cannot be harmed, so the holy moment becomes a letting go.  The moment becomes spontaneous, a moment of inspiration, and this moment is no longer a moment of feeling the need for a purpose.  It IS.    
 
PS:  David Doane I am reading Ram Dass “Still Here” and finding him meaningful, thank you.   

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The Place That is Free of Suffering, by Eckhart Tolle

FaceBook  On Oct 10, 2014 Syd wrote:

 A friend, wow, this is powerful, saying our accomplishment is in Him.  Your writing appears to be a prayer itself.  Your prayer offers this natural communion and your prayer makes this Presence intimate.  Your prayer is like the root going back to original source, Being itself.  Your prayer is a profound satisfaction to me and for all of humanity.  Thank you!     

 

The Place That is Free of Suffering, by Eckhart Tolle

FaceBook  On Oct 7, 2014 Syd wrote:

This is a gift in what Eckhart Tolle is expressing; this point when there is the realization suffering is unnecessary.  I have my own personal brand of suffering and the shocking realization is letting it go of this suffering is not simple.  Sometimes I am caught in the grip of obsession over negative thoughts, and my relentless self-reproaches become delusional thinking.   If I become convinced I am utterly and permanently defective there is no ray of hope to intrude.  I go around in my self-enclosed circles and I can feel my identity caught in my woundedness and with my sense of inner deficiency.  I can make a lifestyle out of suffering.    Holding onto my suffering offers this tension, complaints, conflict, blaming, drama, rationalization, projection, justification and all the energy this allows.  It is like if I let go of my suffering who would I be.  Yet I do not want to go back into this delusional thinking where there is no ray of hope and endless suffering.  In my letting go of my story and suffering is the realization my conclusion is shocking.  The conclusion is shocking because there is no accomplishment or achievement.  The conclusion is nothingness.  This nothingness and void feels like walking of the edge of the world, like death itself.      This death is my boring life and this feels like depression, where there is no coming back to life.  Just recently, though, in my “nothingness” and in my years of letting go I began to feel the satisfaction of stillness.  This moment was not a feeling or even inspiration, as there was just this calm, peace and stillness.  My inner void could be quiet.  I also noticed I was not filling my void with suffering or my story.  This emptiness paradoxically created a personal being and it seems like an identity centered in Essence.  Divine awareness appeared to be the guide, rather than my projec  See full.

This is a gift in what Eckhart Tolle is expressing; this point when there is the realization suffering is unnecessary.  I have my own personal brand of suffering and the shocking realization is letting it go of this suffering is not simple.  Sometimes I am caught in the grip of obsession over negative thoughts, and my relentless self-reproaches become delusional thinking.   If I become convinced I am utterly and permanently defective there is no ray of hope to intrude.  I go around in my self-enclosed circles and I can feel my identity caught in my woundedness and with my sense of inner deficiency.  I can make a lifestyle out of suffering. 
 
Holding onto my suffering offers this tension, complaints, conflict, blaming, drama, rationalization, projection, justification and all the energy this allows.  It is like if I let go of my suffering who would I be.  Yet I do not want to go back into this delusional thinking where there is no ray of hope and endless suffering.  In my letting go of my story and suffering is the realization my conclusion is shocking.  The conclusion is shocking because there is no accomplishment or achievement.  The conclusion is nothingness.  This nothingness and void feels like walking of the edge of the world, like death itself.   
 
This death is my boring life and this feels like depression, where there is no coming back to life.  Just recently, though, in my “nothingness” and in my years of letting go I began to feel the satisfaction of stillness.  This moment was not a feeling or even inspiration, as there was just this calm, peace and stillness.  My inner void could be quiet.  I also noticed I was not filling my void with suffering or my story.  This emptiness paradoxically created a personal being and it seems like an identity centered in Essence.  Divine awareness appeared to be the guide, rather than my projects and preoccupations of my suffering and personality. 
 
I have discovered this stillness in the Now, as Eckhart has penetrated profoundly.  It is also my discovery of this unanticipated truth.  I say unanticipated because I am shocked the conclusion is “nothingness” like death itself, yet it is everything.  The Now is the hidden element of stillness.  It provides the key to understand the whole.  This Now is like a leap from the known to the unknown, falling into the void and everything emanates from it.  The void is completely empty and is full of potentiality and is everything.
 
                       

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Get a Life, by Anna Quindlen

FaceBook  On Oct 6, 2014 Syd wrote:

Rebecca, I was pleased to see your post.  I appreciate you expressing the point when we say, “I can’t take it any more” and is the point of transformation.  The last few days I have worked at not being lost or swept away in my emotional reactions.  There is this connection with truth, sometimes painful experiences and realizations, yet I allowing peace to find my suffering and experiences worthwhile.  This day, I am realizing by not attaching an identity to my suffering experiences, is this profound stillness.  There is no accomplishment or a source of doing or even dividing my experiences into different categories.  This stillness is a self, empty, yet paradoxically everything.  Maybe it is the point my identity becomes Beingnness and there is nothing to prop up here.  Maybe this stillness is Divine awareness, rather than my projects and preoccupations of my personality around my suffering. 
 
I just want you to know your writings are offering confidence to rest in hope and it feels like this place to cease my agendas and projects.  I never new stillness could offer such Hope and becomes everything.  I am just touching this awareness, suffering moving into stillness.  I want to thank you for your awareness and writing, which helps my awareness to be in stillness and rest in Hope.  Your presence touches me and your presence is deeply significant

 

Get a Life, by Anna Quindlen

FaceBook  On Oct 3, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Thanks David and I just order it.  

 

Get a Life, by Anna Quindlen

FaceBook  On Oct 2, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Lfm, I thank you for asking, “Why so angry, Syd?”  I believe the greatest reason is my expectations are unfulfilled, such as simply walking. Because my cells do not produce energy for my muscles there is lots of exhaustion, fatigue, and feeling alienated from myself and others.  If I sink into this physical or inner deficiency then suffering becomes my identity.  I will then turn anger and aggression against myself. 
 
I use to feel there was no way out of this tormented consciousness, like feeling hopeless.  I then realized I was caught in my emotional reactions and my beliefs about my deficiency.  I realized my inner commentary is creating an identity based on suffering.  My ego is based on suffering and ultimately is deficient.  So the best I can tell to gain a better satisfaction with my life is to move beyond all my beliefs.  This not a concept or even an idea to live up to, but is more like falling into a direct experience of Essence.       
 
The falling is letting go.  My moving into stillness is letting go of my anger.  There is no clinging to anything here, inner or outer.  This Essence feels like a place where everything arises and disappears, which creates this state of stillness and peace.  Peace also creates this flow, so it seems right in your offering His peace.  There is enormous dignity, self-respect, and this unshakable equanimity within peace.   It feels like this place of true worth.  Powerful!    
     

 

Get a Life, by Anna Quindlen

FaceBook  On Oct 1, 2014 Syd wrote:

 What you write is well said David.  It feels like my suffering cuts me off from the ground of Being   My suffering seems to create a particular identity and I lose my source to Being.  So writing this out, after digging up my emotional reactions, is to find stillness or peace will allow  my soul to transform all my experiences.  I am not fully certain about my ability to live by this, yet it is a good place to begin. “Get a Life” fits the ground I am on and with this I honor your realistic faith David, as your faith helps me to find my center.           

 

Get a Life, by Anna Quindlen

FaceBook  On Oct 1, 2014 Syd wrote:

It seems I could have described John of the Cross’s terms better about the wood being turned into a red hot coal.  For some reason something blocking my brain cells from saying the wood becomes the red hot coal.  This is strange.  Oh well, fire is purifying and many of us in hell maybe can see it that way.   It is a place where the Supreme Being or our being cannot be harmed.     

 

Get a Life, by Anna Quindlen

FaceBook  On Oct 1, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Lfm, it is interesting you use the terms, “He is the Potter and we are His clay.”  This is probably true enough, where the Potter turns all our experiences, both the good and the bad, into something more for our growth as human beings.  Maybe the Potter can create beyond my human limitations. Yet I do not like this being burned in the oven, as this chasm creates inner darkness and it feels like a black hole draining whatever life I have out of me.  I feel like I am being burned from the inside out. 
 
You may know of John of the Cross.  He describes wood being burned in a stove where the snow, ice, dirt and bark finally turn into a red hot coal.  Naturally this red hot coal puts off heat and love, yet my unconscious impulses also burn in anger.  So it helps to open the door to the stove and draw a little inspiration from this heat.  Painful and paradoxical, raw material and inspirational is truly the highest form of creativity.  It is rather “soul-making,” something beautiful here and seems to be this fire which creates. 
 
I thank you for your prayers, as there is terrifying attraction to this darkness and yet a little opening in the door allows me to not see this darkness as being demonic.                

 

Get a Life, by Anna Quindlen

FaceBook  On Sep 30, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Thank you Jagdish for no need to prop the ego up as  being good.  Your goodness appears in your freedom.  And maybe it is your freedom from the ego that helps me recognize your goodness within your freedom.  This is very good.  

 

Get a Life, by Anna Quindlen

FaceBook  On Sep 30, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Thank you for your hidden depths Rebecca and the preciousness of your truth.  

 

Get a Life, by Anna Quindlen

FaceBook  On Sep 30, 2014 Syd wrote:

Good news you are Randy, thanks 

 

Get a Life, by Anna Quindlen

FaceBook  On Sep 30, 2014 Syd wrote:

I want to thank everyone for your reflections on “Get a Life.”  I like to be real and speak simple truth, as everyone is doing here.  I enjoy everyone being direct and authentic.  There is also a side of me willing to reveal my flaws and irrationalities, since it reflects my essence.  With this said, I am willing to communicate a part of me which has over identified with my suffering and woundedness.  Because of my physical deficiency and even my inner deficiency I have made a lifestyle out of suffering.  To suffer is to feel deficient.   I am gradually realizing I am caught in my emotional reactions to my suffering.  I do not stay with my direct awareness to allow my suffering to transform me.  My belief is in my deficiency.  I have constructed an identity out of it.  If my ego is going full force, such as identifying with my feeling my inner lack, I begin to live in my story and I will even make up stores about being inadequate, unimportant and undesirable.  My story results in this constant emotional storminess and reactivity.  The whole of it obscures my ability to perceive my true identity, my value or anything else for that matter.             I am beginning to realize I fixate on suffering, a bittersweet loss, and other melancholy feelings.  Unfortunately, this activity is immature and the fixations always play themselves out as a constant inner commentary on my inadequacies.  I can even get caught up in how others have let me down.  It feels like my fixation on my suffering is causing extreme self-consciousness, and is profoundly cutting me off from my source of truthfulness.    I want to move to a new place and consciously accept my suffering, especially learning to accept this suffering from anxiety.  True enough this makes me feel edgy.  I feel like I am stepping into nothingness, this void, and  See full.

I want to thank everyone for your reflections on “Get a Life.”  I like to be real and speak simple truth, as everyone is doing here.  I enjoy everyone being direct and authentic.  There is also a side of me willing to reveal my flaws and irrationalities, since it reflects my essence.  With this said, I am willing to communicate a part of me which has over identified with my suffering and woundedness.  Because of my physical deficiency and even my inner deficiency I have made a lifestyle out of suffering.  To suffer is to feel deficient.
 
I am gradually realizing I am caught in my emotional reactions to my suffering.  I do not stay with my direct awareness to allow my suffering to transform me.  My belief is in my deficiency.  I have constructed an identity out of it.  If my ego is going full force, such as identifying with my feeling my inner lack, I begin to live in my story and I will even make up stores about being inadequate, unimportant and undesirable.  My story results in this constant emotional storminess and reactivity.  The whole of it obscures my ability to perceive my true identity, my value or anything else for that matter.          
 
I am beginning to realize I fixate on suffering, a bittersweet loss, and other melancholy feelings.  Unfortunately, this activity is immature and the fixations always play themselves out as a constant inner commentary on my inadequacies.  I can even get caught up in how others have let me down.  It feels like my fixation on my suffering is causing extreme self-consciousness, and is profoundly cutting me off from my source of truthfulness. 
 
I want to move to a new place and consciously accept my suffering, especially learning to accept this suffering from anxiety.  True enough this makes me feel edgy.  I feel like I am stepping into nothingness, this void, and like I am walking off the edge of the world.   I understand this place is beyond any beliefs and learned procedures.  I realize there is a self that can suffer and transcend s it.  I realize when the moment is felt and suffering is accepted the self is possessed.  Yet I get caught into trying to make my suffering a meaningful force.  
 
The moment or even my getting a life is no concept or belief.  It feels like the direct experience of my identity to suffer, without creating a particular image or idea from it, is living in this contact with Being.  Therefore, Being must partake in my suffering or there could be no self in this flow.  The hopelessness would make me look for ways to escape the crushing negative self-consciousness.  Maybe it is courage that draws upon the Essential and is this inner strength.  I just wish my faith could constantly let go and learn to rest in this void. 
 
I have not learned to rest in suffering and totally accept it without creating an identity out of it.  Yet also there is dynamic unfolding of life in this moment.  There seems to be a confidence to rest that offers this hope without my ego mind being caught in its agendas and projects.  Maybe this inner place can only be touched by stillness and getting a life is this stillness.  Stillness is simply learning to rest within pain and suffering, yet my mind is questioning this.  Nevertheless, this edginess, the void, suffering, depression all seems to need to fall into stillness where this raw material is given a place to rest in Hope. 
 
My writing creates this note like an echo of tears, yet truth also strikes my soul.  She is my hope just as you are all my hope.  This seems to be just a place to begin this journey, to let go as faith.  May the journey begin in truth and in faith, and hopefully it is an opening to this hidden depths.  Your presence is significant!   
 
                      
 

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A Newly Rich Life With Yourself, by Martha Nussbaum

FaceBook  On Sep 28, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Rebecca,
 
Wow, your answer to my question is penetrating my superficial mind.  From your words I recognize my trap of clinging to my mind as my world.  And you are right I do feel lost moving into this higher consciousness.  It seems this higher consciousness, this “Self”, does not need to cling to the endless activity of the mind.  It feels like my mind has formed a shell around my innermost Self.  It is like my mind is an identity I have used to stay in flight. 
 
It seems Rebecca, from reading your post, my big trap is building my self up for the next catastrophe only by identifying with my mind.  Yet because I seem to have some grasp of what you are writing I notice a part of me no longer wanting to cling to my endless activity of my mind as a source of identity and my orientation to the world.  And just like you are expressing this feels uncomfortable, like a pioneer opening up on new land.  Being a pioneer with my inner landscape faith appears to be clarification. It is recognizing arbitrary inventions of my mind, such as death, as you speak about. 
 
The ocean, you write about, is a key for understanding the whole.  This symbol truly requires a high state of consciousness and this ocean feels like this place of faith.  For some reason there is turbulence of my emotions on this ocean water, yet something is finding a way to ride the current.  I believe this is the higher consciousness you are writing about and it gradually moves into Being, and becomes one with the ocean.  This ocean feels paradoxical, even an opening to hidden depths, and there is this unshakable confidence what is true here cannot be harmed.    
 
Thank you deeply and the life-enhancing individual you are!              

 

Suffering Leads to Grace, by Ram Dass

FaceBook  On Sep 24, 2014 Syd wrote:

Yes, Amy, I believe in Christ.  This belief does not seem to resolve my points of physical and mental chaos, and yet my belief or faith does offer these moments when I fall into serenity.   This serenity feels natural and helps me to accept my life as it is.  This serenity is teaching me this opening and it is starting to allow my energy or lack of it to flow.  This opening and serenity is also starting to create this letting go, like transcendence, and faith is becoming letting go.  This letting go, specifically as faith, appears to allow the paradoxes of life become One.  I am just beginning to fall into this new faith and there are points I am not separate from anything, union.  
 
Thanks for joining me in your prayers in this unfolding process.   

 

Suffering Leads to Grace, by Ram Dass

FaceBook  On Sep 24, 2014 Syd wrote:

Always, thank you deeply and yes this inner life has big traps in it.  When everything becomes this intolerable idea, even God, I can literally throw out the baby with the bathwater: faith, hope, love, and even kindness.  Sometimes I get attached to my torment and then I get cynical about all my relationships.  So it seems when my faith becomes courage, this courage becomes my support.  Also this ground is touchy because everything is intense and my anger just burns.  I do not like this vulnerable point.  Maybe the gift is I am truly not that different from anyone else nor am I an outsider, as we all struggle with faith within suffering.          
 
 

 

Suffering Leads to Grace, by Ram Dass

FaceBook  On Sep 24, 2014 Syd wrote:

Thanks David and I agree with you when you express “being present is the medicine.”  My being able to write helps me to be present to my experiences and seems to be medicine for me also.  Writing seems to make my unconscious impulses objective and helps me to let go of my suffering and even my bitterness.  When I am in union with the present moment it seems to bring the opposites together and it seems to offer this opening.  The opening is what allows me to let go of my tormented consciousness and this seems to be the opening to let go of my bitterness. 
 
My faith combined with my bitter faith, and at the same time letting go, creates this opening.  It is point I want to feel my bitterness and yet this letting go can draw on a Higher Level of consciousness.  My bitter faith and this place to let it go truly is grace within suffering.  Grace and suffering combined is difficult to describe.  It is just this sharp sense that perhaps grace is enough and is this leap of faith where suffering is raw, creating this opening to let go. 
 
This is all a strange language, letting go at the point of my suffering and bitterness, which creates this opening where faith draws on my hidden depths.         
 

 

Suffering Leads to Grace, by Ram Dass

FaceBook  On Sep 23, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Mish, thank you and will acknowledge you as my post to David went to you.  This place to "be" seems to paradoxically creates us and your best is the precious you.  

 

Suffering Leads to Grace, by Ram Dass

FaceBook  On Sep 23, 2014 Syd wrote:

 What you write is excellent and you are a powerful healing force David. Your faith and freedom is the source of life, where it appears the observer is the observed are One.  Thank you!  

This went to the wrong post so will try again.

 

Suffering Leads to Grace, by Ram Dass

FaceBook  On Sep 23, 2014 Syd wrote:

 What you write is excellent and you are a powerful healing force David. Your faith and freedom is the source of life, where it appears the observer is the observed are One.  Thank you!

 

Suffering Leads to Grace, by Ram Dass

FaceBook  On Sep 23, 2014 Syd wrote:

 “Suffering Leads to Grace” is such an inspiration to me.  Suffering and pain constantly reacts in my subconscious and when I am not conscious of my suffering it will create this tormented consciousness.  Everything becomes this torment and everything is this unbearable reminder of my alienation from life.  Much of my unfinished work mocks me, my failure to love mocks me, my family mocks me, and this inability to have a purpose mocks me.  It is all because of my cell disease.  Maybe much of self-accusations have a basis in fact, but my self-absorption and self-indulgences makes the anguish even more real.  I know, to a real extent I responsible for bringing on my anguish on myself, which is why the self-accusations cuts so deeply.  The only way out is to do away with this tormented consciousness and I do this by denial of my truth.  There have been many times innocent remarks will send my mind into schizophrenia.   I feel terrorized, the madman attacks, and then the insane paranoid delusions set in.  My mental connections go haywire, I start rocking back-an-forth, true craziness and my fears become consuming.  The stranger trying to console me becomes the policeman who has come to arrest me.  Fear becomes a life of its own.  My thoughts are uncontrollable, scaring me when I do not want to be scared.  My mind will race wildly and I become terrified of my fears because I cannot escape them since they originate with me.  My anger just burns.  When I come out of one of these burning attacks, after both my body and my brain have splintered into a thousand pieces, I deteriorate into a state of emptiness.  I become isolated from my environment, from other people, and from my inner life --- from thinking feeling and doing.  My deep struggle between these various pairs of polar opposites: between identification with others and a rejection of them, between feelings  See full.

 “Suffering Leads to Grace” is such an inspiration to me.  Suffering and pain constantly reacts in my subconscious and when I am not conscious of my suffering it will create this tormented consciousness.  Everything becomes this torment and everything is this unbearable reminder of my alienation from life.  Much of my unfinished work mocks me, my failure to love mocks me, my family mocks me, and this inability to have a purpose mocks me.  It is all because of my cell disease.  Maybe much of self-accusations have a basis in fact, but my self-absorption and self-indulgences makes the anguish even more real.  I know, to a real extent I responsible for bringing on my anguish on myself, which is why the self-accusations cuts so deeply.  The only way out is to do away with this tormented consciousness and I do this by denial of my truth. 

There have been many times innocent remarks will send my mind into schizophrenia.   I feel terrorized, the madman attacks, and then the insane paranoid delusions set in.  My mental connections go haywire, I start rocking back-an-forth, true craziness and my fears become consuming.  The stranger trying to console me becomes the policeman who has come to arrest me.  Fear becomes a life of its own.  My thoughts are uncontrollable, scaring me when I do not want to be scared.  My mind will race wildly and I become terrified of my fears because I cannot escape them since they originate with me.  My anger just burns. 

When I come out of one of these burning attacks, after both my body and my brain have splintered into a thousand pieces, I deteriorate into a state of emptiness.  I become isolated from my environment, from other people, and from my inner life --- from thinking feeling and doing.  My deep struggle between these various pairs of polar opposites: between identification with others and a rejection of them, between feelings and doing, between love and hate, is all this emptiness.  The ambivalence becomes so intense the evil will exclude the good.  Eventually, my suffering becomes this nothingness: nothing to identify with, nothing true, and nothing valuable in which I can believe in.  My fear becomes fulfilled and within this void feels this terrifying attraction to darkness.

There is a part of me that over identifies with my woundedness, with my sense of inner deficiency, and sometimes I make a lifestyle out of suffering.  It gives me something to do in my agitation and restless mind.  Yet other times I have caught myself in my emotional reactions and my belief in my deficiency, letting this raw material filter through my unconsciousness.  The moment becomes this opening, a moment of inspiration, like a catalyst shocking me into awareness.  This suffering compels me to choose to give it a meaning.  Giving a meaning to my suffering and pain, to give meaning to my experience, even my nothingness, creates me.  It feels like suffering is a positive force and I can sustain my awareness of myself here.  This place is to suffer and give meaning to it is a self that who transcends it.  The moment becomes the self and I fall into my faith, feeling my deep void.

I live in this complex and exhausting life.  Sometimes I refuse to make contact with anyone and even God because it is all an intolerable idea.  The horror and uncertainty of my own body is an enormous stumbling block.  Yet if I do not force everything to a conclusion, force my mind to seek order, my realistic faith can let the moment emerge spontaneously.  Faith becomes a “given” and I feel this inner Essence that cannot be lost or harmed.  Truly it is beyond beliefs, beyond doubts, learned procedures and the moment is not lost.  This place requires my soul, rather soul-making, and is this unselfconsciousness the moment just IS.  The act itself transcends the self-consciousness, and becomes this spontaneous quality of inspiration.  Faith itself becomes self-aware.  There is no place to hide, shocking awareness and the richest part of my consciousness life becomes outside of my control.

Faith in nothingness is like walking of the edge of the world.  It feels like suffering and emptiness, paradoxically, becomes the guide.  Divine awareness is discovered in death and becomes this value to which I submit.  My daily deaths creates this tension between conflicting sides, my suffering, and I have certain hostility here, so raw I do not feel it can be healed.  Hopelessness is strong and is a big trap, yet at the same time I have to move beyond my self-awareness and to let go of my trap in self-consciousness.  In this moment, the self is possessed both in suffering and in my physical breakdown of my own body.  There is this unshakable equanimity in the moment.  Suffering can truly be one with where I learn both self-possession and self-transcendence together and sometimes this profound center has mystical overtones.  When all is said and done, I wish we all could suffer together and allow this to be a gift to each other.  It is place transparency allows everything to pass through the consciousness, nothing “sticks” in the consciousness, and Essence is possessed.        

Just a side note, my body is soaking wet from the sweats and I feel deep exhaustion.  It is merely just this moment that is the source of everything and it becomes this inner Essence.  There is deep alienation in this place suffering and the gift is where the flat tire no longer needs to be fixed.  Essence is found in the suffering and becomes more than just an idea but a living experience.   Suffering is accepted and it can catalyze into shocking awareness and the moment is Essence.  There is no significant accomplishment here and the moment just IS, a shinning Void, where hopelessness and hope are held together and the stillness creates Divine awareness.

Your presence is deeply significant, a human being who suffers like me, and yet you are all a source of life, this Inner Essence that lets me touch my experiences and leap into the unknown.  Thank you!!!              
 
        

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Ninety Six Words for Love, by Robert Johnson

FaceBook  On Sep 18, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Sally, your words offer a refreshing breeze and a quiet satisfaction in the real world.  I am grateful!   

 

Ninety Six Words for Love, by Robert Johnson

FaceBook  On Sep 17, 2014 Syd wrote:

 I had a sense your questions were just adding to the conversation and I could have left it there.  Writing just gives me the key to see the whole, as I am home bound.  I have a cell disease, mitochondria specifically.  Mitochondria are parts of the cells that combine the calories we consume with the oxygen and turn this combination into energy which runs everything in our body.  My mitochondria are shot which makes my body function with a constant exhaustion.  It is like climbing a steep hill and you cannot take another step.  Social life is extremely exhausting and from there I have no ability to think, to feel, or to do.  My mental connections go haywire.  The craziness is insane.  So I write sorting out my thoughts and also trying to create this opening to no longer hold onto my ideas.  This is to say, I have no faith in my body, dragging along, and writing helps me keep an open mind.  It helps my faith live in faithlessness.  I am also no official contributor, as I am just allowing myself acquire a new depth.  My disease is only eight years old, this is all new, even my faith from within, which is trying to learn to live without reference to anyone.  It feels impossible to have a faith without reference to anyone and then again everything is also beyond me.

I may be out of step here, and then on-the-other-hand contemplation is a sense of wonder.  I have not completely learn how to contemplate quietly, so writing is my key for now, and helps me observe my faith.  The present is enough and allowing my faith to fall into it is another thing, so I write for this realistic faith.

I appreciate you being honest with me, even if we misunderstood each other.  Your presence is significant!                     

 

Ninety Six Words for Love, by Robert Johnson

FaceBook  On Sep 17, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Sandra, you speak of infants and newborns expressing pure love.  You ask, “Do they know on some level love is what they are?”  It seems to me we are all created and born in the Garden of Eden, where we have the essential qualities of the heart.  We appear to lose these essential qualities of the heart by falling away from our awareness and presence.  It is like we fall away from our inner Essence and into the trance of our personality.  For me personally, my parents nurtured me erratically and I did not feel a dependable source of love and assurance.  When I realized my value was“nothingness” I felt holes in my soul and I even look at my body to see if I had holes.  This sense of having holes and a vacuum from within made my human nature fight, as human nature abhors a vacuum.    We all experience this “nothingness,” the vacuum and this inner void to some degree in childhood.   It feels like the sky is falling to a small child.  This creates anxiety, the fear of separation, and how we respond to this inner anxiety is different for each of us.  There are also patterns that are common to all of us, because fear is insecurity, this inner doubt.  We all experience the fear of abandonment. There seems to be a point fear creates faithlessness and this appears to make us lose our inner Essence.  It is the point where self-possession and self-surrender are taken away, deep painful anxiety.       Pride seems to be the most common response to this anxiety and this inner void.  Pride is denial and it is the ability to endure whatever is happening by tuning out.  It is like our feelings become fatalistic, as we may feel nothing can be done to change things and in any event whatever is the problem, it is not much a problem after all.  Pride can also become vainglory, satisfaction in what I am good at and satisfaction in my virtu  See full.

 Sandra, you speak of infants and newborns expressing pure love.  You ask, “Do they know on some level love is what they are?”  It seems to me we are all created and born in the Garden of Eden, where we have the essential qualities of the heart.  We appear to lose these essential qualities of the heart by falling away from our awareness and presence.  It is like we fall away from our inner Essence and into the trance of our personality.  For me personally, my parents nurtured me erratically and I did not feel a dependable source of love and assurance.  When I realized my value was“nothingness” I felt holes in my soul and I even look at my body to see if I had holes.  This sense of having holes and a vacuum from within made my human nature fight, as human nature abhors a vacuum. 
 
We all experience this “nothingness,” the vacuum and this inner void to some degree in childhood.   It feels like the sky is falling to a small child.  This creates anxiety, the fear of separation, and how we respond to this inner anxiety is different for each of us.  There are also patterns that are common to all of us, because fear is insecurity, this inner doubt.  We all experience the fear of abandonment. There seems to be a point fear creates faithlessness and this appears to make us lose our inner Essence.  It is the point where self-possession and self-surrender are taken away, deep painful anxiety.    
 
Pride seems to be the most common response to this anxiety and this inner void.  Pride is denial and it is the ability to endure whatever is happening by tuning out.  It is like our feelings become fatalistic, as we may feel nothing can be done to change things and in any event whatever is the problem, it is not much a problem after all.  Pride can also become vainglory, satisfaction in what I am good at and satisfaction in my virtue. Pride, though, is a fundamental denial of my loss of contact with Essence and is particularly the loss of contact with qualities of real love. 
 
We never really lose our inner Essence if we all could be really present and awake, where our identity and self-worth do not arise.  Our Beingness does not depend on sustaining our identity in activity.  And yet to have no purpose and this place of no accomplishment, God or Essence, creates feelings of this Being is a dirty rat. Faith becomes mean, complex and exhausting, nothing true ore valuable to believe in.  The fall is into self-consciousness and alienation.  The fall can also paradoxically allow us to fall into our deeper self, this inner Essence.  It feels like falling back into faith, this inner Essence where there is union which appears to create enormous dignity and self-respect without the faintest whiff of egocentricity.  It feels like just a place to begin. 
 
Unity is before the Fall and unity comes back to us in the Fall.  The Fall is part of nature’s ways and it seems we all have to find our peacefulness or faith in this natural order of things.  Faith is created in the Fall, as we learn to not be defiant and learning to yield ourselves to it.  Falling back into this Garden of Eden, our inner Essence, is mean because there is no clinging to any ideas.  Faith seems to discover this ability to keep an open mind, falling into a higher state and making all our experiences, even the pain, into something beautiful: faith hope and love. 
 
Maybe one word is too much, even the word God, because my mind ricochets from one psychological state to another from this word.  So it seems faith becomes its own value and literally has no reference to anyone, as our identity IS.                    
 
 
 
                       

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Ninety Six Words for Love, by Robert Johnson

FaceBook  On Sep 16, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Dina, your feelings appear to be your value, a special value as person, and a energy of somethng special about you.  

 

Ninety Six Words for Love, by Robert Johnson

FaceBook  On Sep 16, 2014 Syd wrote:

Gail, nonviolent communication is genuine strength and is the powerful force of love.   I thank you deeply for your powerful force, love itself.      

 

Ninety Six Words for Love, by Robert Johnson

FaceBook  On Sep 16, 2014 Syd wrote:

Love is a movement and is a dynamic force that melts down barriers and boundaries.  Love dissolves separateness.  Love is more or less my degree of being present and more or less my contact with the Other.  At times I have clarity and a transparent Presence.   Then there are times of reactivity and mechanical thinking.  There are other times I have deep self-alienation, suffering and even my own self-destructiveness.  Love is this movement is between my inner essence and my ego personality.  Love is a yardstick of my consciousness and is everything in between.  Love to me, therefore, is expressed in many different words and these words are only a signpost.  The whole flow of love is our words and is one enormous creative dance.  I feel to put words on love could make it static, when actually love is dynamic force that melts down barriers and boundaries.  The difficulty is I can imagine myself to be very different from how I actually am and putting words on this is the unfolding of this dynamic dance.  Love she creates and sustains, saying we are all in this dance and is the significance of your presence.        
  

 

A Newly Rich Life With Yourself, by Martha Nussbaum

FaceBook  On Sep 13, 2014 Syd wrote:

 There is hidden depth in what you write and especially your words you will continue to listen.  To listen appears to speak of your hidden depths, an opening, and a meaning beyond what you intended to create.  To listen to your inner voice is talent and training.  This is to say your message is valuable because you are an individual and a sharp sense of your uniqueness.  

 

A Newly Rich Life With Yourself, by Martha Nussbaum

FaceBook  On Sep 12, 2014 Syd wrote:

This is excellent Rebecca and I have question for you.  Moving our state of consciousness into the realm of Essence is an enormous accomplishment and yet it is a false perception I am the source accomplishing anything.  Essence is everything, and yet my mind defines objects and divides my experience into different categories   This Essence is more about observing my consciousness and perceiving a living unity of everything unfolding.  There is no doing or accomplishment, because everything is happening together.  Essence and consciousness is observing the unfolding and everything passes through.  There is no attaching identity to anything and is like the clarification of boundaries.  My value is not based on a particular achievement, so is this consciousness melts down barriers and boundaries.  This Center feels normal.  How do you become aware of the quality of this Center, a deep transcendence and my identity IS, and hold this or incorporate this into myself?

I feel lost in this higher state of consciousness and I do not want to give you the impression I am in a state of enlightment..  There are big traps here with this Inner Work and you help is appreciated.  

 

A Newly Rich Life With Yourself, by Martha Nussbaum

FaceBook  On Sep 10, 2014 Syd wrote:

There is a sense of wonder in what you write Love and in the nature of seeing.  I wish I could see with innocent eyes, and yet maybe innocence is being fully and deeply human, simplicity of faith seeing itself.  Thank you!     

 

A Newly Rich Life With Yourself, by Martha Nussbaum

FaceBook  On Sep 9, 2014 Syd wrote:

My story is filled with lots of self-hatred and self-contempt, feeling inadequate and defective, even this fear of being unimportant and undesirable.  It is place I felt like a constant misfit.  I escaped my inner pain by pretending it is not there.  I gradually broke my denial, this inability to admit I was hurting inside, and I gradually let go of the inner chaos.  I learned to nurture my own, true inner life.  From there my inner landscape became this peace, like I was riding a bicycle on a beautiful day, enjoying everything about the flow of my life experience.  This unfolded into serenity.  I felt like self-possession and self-surrender together.      This last year I lost perspective, lost what I learned from life, and lost my beliefs.  It felt like nothing true in the world, nothing true or valuable in which I could believe in.  There was even a certain attraction to my inner darkness.  Yet because was enduring my darkness, faith seem to be counteracting the terror and despair.  My inner faith verified I needed to drop my story I had been telling myself a long time.  This felt like I was leaping into “nothingness” or walking off the edge of the world.   I felt completely empty, this inner void.  Something from within, though, was making my faith leap into the unknown.  It felt like a sunbather feeling the sun and it did not matter if I believed or not.  This faith allowed an “opening,” which seemed to allow something higher and more essential touch my wounded self.   This essential that touched me appears to be the Essence of faith and appears beyond any beliefs and what I have learned.  This faith is the recognition this Essence, like rays from the sun, offering support and presence.  It is like my story is now at the point of faith within the Supreme Being and this Essence offers this unshakable confidence.  And I  See full.

My story is filled with lots of self-hatred and self-contempt, feeling inadequate and defective, even this fear of being unimportant and undesirable.  It is place I felt like a constant misfit.  I escaped my inner pain by pretending it is not there.  I gradually broke my denial, this inability to admit I was hurting inside, and I gradually let go of the inner chaos.  I learned to nurture my own, true inner life.  From there my inner landscape became this peace, like I was riding a bicycle on a beautiful day, enjoying everything about the flow of my life experience.  This unfolded into serenity.  I felt like self-possession and self-surrender together.   
 
This last year I lost perspective, lost what I learned from life, and lost my beliefs.  It felt like nothing true in the world, nothing true or valuable in which I could believe in.  There was even a certain attraction to my inner darkness.  Yet because was enduring my darkness, faith seem to be counteracting the terror and despair.  My inner faith verified I needed to drop my story I had been telling myself a long time.  This felt like I was leaping into “nothingness” or walking off the edge of the world.   I felt completely empty, this inner void.  Something from within, though, was making my faith leap into the unknown.  It felt like a sunbather feeling the sun and it did not matter if I believed or not.  This faith allowed an “opening,” which seemed to allow something higher and more essential touch my wounded self.
 
This essential that touched me appears to be the Essence of faith and appears beyond any beliefs and what I have learned.  This faith is the recognition this Essence, like rays from the sun, offering support and presence.  It is like my story is now at the point of faith within the Supreme Being and this Essence offers this unshakable confidence.  And I realize this is not my whole story and maybe this is where the moment unfolds into this living Presence.  It is just a place to begin.           
 

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The Golden Eternity, by Jack Kerouac

FaceBook  On Aug 24, 2014 Syd wrote:

 This is very good Rebecca . Hope is this unshakable confidence to rest, as everyone is expressing here.  You are all profound!   

 

The Golden Eternity, by Jack Kerouac

FaceBook  On Aug 19, 2014 Syd wrote:

 This golden eternity to me is learning to accept uncertainty and ambiguity.  This acceptance is letting go of being obsessed with defending myself and living within my nothingness.  It is like an inner light is going out and my acceptance offers this faith in my powerlessness.  This acceptance is to even feel how everything seems futile and dying.  This faith is my hope and it has nothing to do with beliefs or even trying to convince myself that certain beliefs are true.  This faith is the actual recognition of support and presence within Being.  Faith emerges in this acceptance and it feels like what is true, this inner Essence, cannot be harmed.  The Golden Eternity, Essence, gives this unshakable confidence even when everything is going wrong.  This faith is “given” and creates this opening to allow life to emerge in deaths grip.  The gold is Essence and she offers this confidence to rest in Hope. 
 
 

 

Developing Mindsight, by Dan Siegel

FaceBook  On May 27, 2014 Syd wrote:

 “Mindsight” is a unique word.  From my observations of mindsight, mental chaos has gradually moved into confidence in a Supreme Being and then gradually grew into this serenity.  This serenity then gradually fell into stillness.  All of this happened by letting go.  When I made my transitions from confidence in my Supreme Being to serenity it felt like stepping into nothingness.  This last transition from serenity falling into stillness it felt like I was walking off the edge of the world, or, another way to say this it felt like my ego’s death.  It has taken a faith to make these transitions, moving beyond my ego beliefs and learned procedures. 
 
When realistic faith began it became a given and this unshakable confidence.  This faith recognizes the actual support of Presence and I needed it to counteract the terror and the despair.  It seems to create this distinction from  me the observer to the observed.  It is now where my home feels empty and this home feels like just a place to begin.  This emptiness is the light of awareness and creates something higher wanting to touch the Essential.  The Essential is faith and it is given that offers this unshakable confidence.        

So to me mindsight takes realistic faith from the Essential and it becomes given.       
 

 

Staying In Your Own Business, by Byron Katie

FaceBook  On May 20, 2014 Syd wrote:

 These are good questions and points Mark.  My response is non-attachment.  Also the heart of Jesus and Buddha’s teaching is non-attachment.  It is just this simple and it allows one to fall into the true self where there is no need to accomplish anything.      

 

Staying In Your Own Business, by Byron Katie

FaceBook  On May 20, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Annie,   What I write in my first paragraph, Annie, is my attempt to validate your feelings.  And please understand I do not have clue what you are feeling, as it is only my attempt to give you a touch of fresh air to what you may be feeling.  My last paragraph is a suggestion to your question “how do I cope with this?”     This taking care of your Dad appears painful, Annie.  I sense you may feel fatigued, apathetic, alienated maybe from yourself and others.  It feels like you cannot allow yourself to feel meaningful moments with your Father.  This may result in the sudden blockage of feelings, as if life had suddenly been drained from you.  Hope may feel like it has suddenly vanished.  The best I can say, in my trying to be sensitive and considerate to what you may feel, is I am so sorry for what may feel like you are standing all alone.      In response to your question I want to suggest you approach your Father’s care with non-attachment.  I realize non-attachment sounds like being uncaring for your Father.  It may seem like being insensitive and you may feel it is being as hard as nails.  Yet non-attachment contains no hint of rejection or hardness, rather it offers a radical acceptance of life as it is.  It is the quality where it allows you to be present and the ability to abide in your deeper self.  This non-attachment does not cling to anything inner or outer.  It offers this freedom to not need to cling to the endless activity of your mind and cling to this deep grief of losing your Dad.  Non-attachment allows the unfolding to happen and I believe you will feel contained within your true self that can endure this pain and hardship.  Non-attachment offers a radical acceptance because it can live within painful truth.         Everything touches and transforms us all and yet your level of transformatio  See full.

 Annie,
 
What I write in my first paragraph, Annie, is my attempt to validate your feelings.  And please understand I do not have clue what you are feeling, as it is only my attempt to give you a touch of fresh air to what you may be feeling.  My last paragraph is a suggestion to your question “how do I cope with this?”  
 
This taking care of your Dad appears painful, Annie.  I sense you may feel fatigued, apathetic, alienated maybe from yourself and others.  It feels like you cannot allow yourself to feel meaningful moments with your Father.  This may result in the sudden blockage of feelings, as if life had suddenly been drained from you.  Hope may feel like it has suddenly vanished.  The best I can say, in my trying to be sensitive and considerate to what you may feel, is I am so sorry for what may feel like you are standing all alone.   
 
In response to your question I want to suggest you approach your Father’s care with non-attachment.  I realize non-attachment sounds like being uncaring for your Father.  It may seem like being insensitive and you may feel it is being as hard as nails.  Yet non-attachment contains no hint of rejection or hardness, rather it offers a radical acceptance of life as it is.  It is the quality where it allows you to be present and the ability to abide in your deeper self.  This non-attachment does not cling to anything inner or outer.  It offers this freedom to not need to cling to the endless activity of your mind and cling to this deep grief of losing your Dad.  Non-attachment allows the unfolding to happen and I believe you will feel contained within your true self that can endure this pain and hardship.  Non-attachment offers a radical acceptance because it can live within painful truth.      
 
Everything touches and transforms us all and yet your level of transformation is beyond words.  Non-attachment is just this place where you do not base yourself on your thoughts, not on your feelings and not on your perceptions.  It is a place where everything arises and disappears into profound stillness and peace.  It offers a heart felt peace.   I also believe it the greatest gift you can give to your Father and to yourself, non-attachment that allows you to fall into your deeper self and peace is offered with a profound compassion.   
 
Peace Annie and your presence is deeply significant !!!
Syd       

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Transforming The Wandering Mind, by Ven. Master Miao Tsan

FaceBook  On Apr 29, 2014 Syd wrote:

 David, a few weeks back you wrote, “Meditation is gently relaxing into awareness.”  The depth of your words described meditation perfectly for me.   I wrote your words down because your explanation was simple and to the point.  Your internal logic appears to transcend rational thought and appears to be your ability to observe.  Your observation is with clarity.  Your clarity has helped to provide a key to understand the whole for me.  I want to say thank you for your observations and thank you for your open mind to observe life.  

 

The Question of Being, by Adyashanti

FaceBook  On Apr 23, 2014 Syd wrote:

 It is touching to have you communicate holes in your soul.  It is also touching you communicate these holes are an opening for God to be with you. You appear to recognize your holes are not merely incidental to who you are, but reflect your Essence.  There is also something very human and the depth of feeling in what you write.  The genuineness and depth of feeling is how you express “forever thankful.”  This word “forever” feels like being true to you.  Truly, this immediate contact with you is the true self as Being.  
 
I too am forever grateful and may you draw inspiration from the significance of your presence!       

 

The Question of Being, by Adyashanti

FaceBook  On Apr 22, 2014 Syd wrote:

 You are welcome and may you know the significance of your presence  

 

The Question of Being, by Adyashanti

FaceBook  On Apr 22, 2014 Syd wrote:

 When I felt my value as nothingness when I was small boy I lost contact with my being from within.  I thought I had holes in soul.  I looked at my body to see if I had holes in my soul.  My value being nothingness grew into feeling powerless, overwhelmed and hopeless.  This created overheated mental associations, as my mind became filled with terror.  By gradually releasing my fears from within, forty years, I have now just begun to touch faith from within.  I have noticed this real faith from within has nothing to do with beliefs, as it is more the recognition of the actual support of presence and Being right now.  This faith is an unshakable confidence and allows the moment to emerge without doubts or beliefs.  I notice this faith is stillness and being.    

This faith as being (Presence) feels like just a place to begin.  It is like I will begin over and over and over as being.  The hard part for me is this beginning does not allow my ego to accomplishing something.  It takes me back to having this sensation I have holes in my soul and my human nature abhors this vacuum.  It feels like a death walk, nonidentification with my ego, and faith within says there can be no clinging to the endless activity of my mind as a source of identity.  So if being is a place to begin and faith is real than stillness is the essence of Being. 

This is not totally clear to me as I have just begun.  The best I can tell being is a clear, quiet mind, knowing and recognizing the unity of Being.  The hard part is I do not know, only just faith is the beginning of being with Being.               
 

 

Are You Bored Yet?, by Karen Maezen Miller

FaceBook  On Mar 26, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Thank you Jan and Thomas Moore's "Dark Nights of the Soul"  I will look into.  I have read a couple of his books and he has a nice genuine depth.  It seems I need to learn to accept the moment as my starting point.  Acceptance where I am not discouraged by my limitations nor am I tempted to deny them.  It feels like just the place to begin, over and over.   Your presence is significant Jan and I believe in your special value!  

 

Are You Bored Yet?, by Karen Maezen Miller

FaceBook  On Mar 26, 2014 Syd wrote:

This is very good Me, we each being a gift to each other.  I have begun to grasp that our value is not based on a particular achievement, rather it is to experience our heart’s desire.  Truly it is learning to love simply and genuinely.  It is learning to recognize the preciousness of everything and everyone.  From this your presence appears natural and your inner depth is valuable.  Your presence is significant to us all!
 
Thank you arun and oneness seems to be this place where we relax.  It is this place where we trust in each others support, find peace and achieve harmony.  There is something dynamic in this oneness, a harmonious environment that seems to empower me. There seems to be a connection with the child in this oneness, even an innocence of being fully human, deeply and simply.  This is my sense of your words and I need to stop as I am overly exhausted at this moment.  Your presence is significant and just the wonder of a child!           

 

Are You Bored Yet?, by Karen Maezen Miller

FaceBook  On Mar 25, 2014 Syd wrote:

Thank you for this moment, as I am trying to learn to stay present to the moment as it unfolds.  When I am there it changes everything.  These moments seem to offer a confidence to rest in hope and it allows my egoic mind to cease its endless agendas and projects.  Clearly this connection with you and others makes a difference.
Your presence is significant and your deeper values are simply genuine.      

 

Are You Bored Yet?, by Karen Maezen Miller

FaceBook  On Mar 25, 2014 Syd wrote:

I enjoyed this article and reading other peoples responses.  And for my two cents boredom is on the edge of depression.  Because of my physical limitations where my cells do not produce energy for my muscles and normal walking is exhausting boredom is frequent.  My disease is eight years old and it is only this last year I started digging into my sense of boredom as nothingness.  When I feel my emptiness and the void from within I can sense this temptation to want to cut my arms and legs with a knife. There is something from within me that wants to escape this crushing negative consciousness.  It feels like there was nothing in the world I can identify with, nothing true or valuable in which I can believe in.  There is nothing I could attach myself, which creates this attraction to want pain in my darkness.  My human nature abhors this boring hole.    Something from within has allowed me to step into this being on edge with my boredom and it felt like I was walking off the edge of the world.  In my edginess I have felt death and the experience of my personality is at its end.  I also felt this need to make a leap of faith from the known to the unknown.  Yet I could not understand making this leap when my boredom revealed itself as my value being nothingness.  Just sitting around, completely empty and bored, I could feel my nothingness and groundlessness express a faithless faith.  From this arose this stillness and peace.  It is then I realized I was the observer and the observed, the experienced and the experiencer. From what I can tell when the experience becomes one with the experiencer and stillness falls into peace then my boredom and emptiness will be the Essential self.  The true self will reside in non-attachment and then the moment can arise and disappear into profound stillness and peace.  I just need to say, this downward spiral and meaninglessness almost brought about m  See full.

I enjoyed this article and reading other peoples responses.  And for my two cents boredom is on the edge of depression.  Because of my physical limitations where my cells do not produce energy for my muscles and normal walking is exhausting boredom is frequent.  My disease is eight years old and it is only this last year I started digging into my sense of boredom as nothingness.  When I feel my emptiness and the void from within I can sense this temptation to want to cut my arms and legs with a knife. There is something from within me that wants to escape this crushing negative consciousness.  It feels like there was nothing in the world I can identify with, nothing true or valuable in which I can believe in.  There is nothing I could attach myself, which creates this attraction to want pain in my darkness.  My human nature abhors this boring hole.   

Something from within has allowed me to step into this being on edge with my boredom and it felt like I was walking off the edge of the world.  In my edginess I have felt death and the experience of my personality is at its end.  I also felt this need to make a leap of faith from the known to the unknown.  Yet I could not understand making this leap when my boredom revealed itself as my value being nothingness.  Just sitting around, completely empty and bored, I could feel my nothingness and groundlessness express a faithless faith.  From this arose this stillness and peace.  It is then I realized I was the observer and the observed, the experienced and the experiencer.

From what I can tell when the experience becomes one with the experiencer and stillness falls into peace then my boredom and emptiness will be the Essential self.  The true self will reside in non-attachment and then the moment can arise and disappear into profound stillness and peace.  I just need to say, this downward spiral and meaninglessness almost brought about my rejecting attachment to anything.  Yet it is on this edge where faith counteracts the terror and despair.  Stepping into boredom, a walk-less walk, where death is felt as nothing, the true self turns it around into stillness and peace.  This must be an expression of the Divine.    

A boring death maybe is a symbol of my entire psychological orientation and feels like just a place to begin. Sometimes because my cells are not working right my mental connections go haywire and it feels like a consuming craziness.  This place is also down right mean.  From this you may tell my stillness and peace is not very good and it feels like I need to find peace with death without being able to die.  So if anyone has more insight on this stillness/peace and can provide a key to understand the whole I would appreciate it.  

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Your Life Cannot Go Wrong, by Jeff Foster

FaceBook  On Feb 18, 2014 Syd wrote:

 Robyn --- thank you for being authentic and my ability to experience your truth.  This is a good for you, as my denial is still a testiness and edginess, even when I choose a meaning for my experiences.  

Your presence is significant and you truly nourished my spirit.  

 

Deep Inquiry: Not for the Faint of Heart, by Gangaji

FaceBook  On Jan 21, 2014 Syd wrote:

Thank you Amy for caring and having a good heart.  Just being you deeply and completely is a profound connection to my heart.  This helps me to experience my heart's desire and my value is no particular achievement. The experience is just the depths of my male heart and I feel hope.   This hope feels like a flow.   Wow, men are not cry and yet there is almost this opening.   My body is shacking, sweats and exhaustion so I will need to get more energy to finish this almost.  Hope truly is a place to begin!  

 

Deep Inquiry: Not for the Faint of Heart, by Gangaji

FaceBook  On Jan 21, 2014 Syd wrote:

My body is falling into nothingness because my cells produce low energy for my muscles.   I can feel there is nothing true or valuable which I can believe.  This physical nothingness is like insecurity and powerlessness.  It feels rather perverse and dark.  In my inquiry my deepest fear is “Will you love me if I am nothing?”   

When I allow my faith to create an opening in my nothingness I notice a profound peace and stillness where everything is arising and disappearing.  I feel an underlying depth within this void and my fear is not sticking in my consciousness.  The stillness feels like a clarification of my boundaries around being nothing.  It is as if this stillness can see through the boundary and walk into this nothingness with transparency.  There is clarity and this immense intelligence of Essence that allows everything to pass through.  This inquiry into my void is allowing nothing stick in my conscious, especially my madman who imposes patterns on every circumstance.   
 
       
 

 

Why Not Be Ready?, by Tenzin Palmo

FaceBook  On Apr 16, 2013 Syd wrote:

 I have read everyone’s comments and I appreciate everyone’s truth, even your willingness to look at death as truth.
 
I have experienced so much death, in and around me, life feels now like nothingness.  This last death is like love has died, there is nothing true or valuable in which to I can believe in.  There is nothing left in which I feel I can attach myself.  In my nothingness, though, I do not feel hopeless nor do I feel my mental connections going haywire.  It seems I have not deteriorated into true craziness because I am not terrified by fear. 
 
Fear is this need to be nothing and literally death is a sense of nothingness.  Death is filled with this deep experience of nothingness and nothingness offers no authority to put the anxiety to rest.  We do not look at death because of fear, the fear of being nothing.  And yet fear is not based on death itself, but it is the fear of things that might happen.  The inability to look at death also arises because we do not feel supported and with guidance.  So to me, to look at death is to look at my own nothingness.
 
Leaving the familiar stepping into nothingness is like walking off the edge of the world.  It takes a deep faith to counteract the terror and the despair.  My life is death; daily is my end as death.  Faith within these daily deaths creates nothingness.  There is no belief nor can I convince myself certain beliefs are true.  So it seems to persevere I need to make this leap into nothingness and move beyond any beliefs.  Death is nothingness, only everything arises from this Nothingness, empty and yet full of potentiality.  Death has taught me the freedom to be nothing and this is the source of Life.  

 

10 Principles of The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron

FaceBook  On Dec 4, 2012 Syd wrote:
Your creative flow in your writing is beautiful Julia.  Your ten principles awaken important qualities within the soul and your ten principles express the highest form of creativity, self-creation.  You appear to have discovered yourself in creativity.  You also appear to not be merely an artist and teacher but a creative life-enhancing individual.  This to me is the highest form of creativity.    It appears your creativity is maintained by the act itself and allows you to continue to transcend self-consciousness.  I just want to simply say thank you for bringing your good and beautiful soul into the world, for being an exceptional teacher, and bringing your richness to the light of day.
 
 

One February Morning in Vietnam, by Eugene Hilderbrandt

FaceBook  On Aug 28, 2012 Syd wrote:
Your writing about your experience in Vietnam appears like moments of transparency.  It appears you were penetrating life with brilliant clarity and you were not exerting your ego mind to understand it.  I know for me chasing the carrot is my ego hanging onto the experiences and information, even stockpiling information for the next catastrophe.   My problem is I identify with my ideas of the experience, which detaches me from the support of Being. In response to you, though, it seems your transparency, even now, is a knowing-ness and aware-ness of your True Nature.  I say this because your compassion and open heart to love the world appears to be statements of no longer clinging to your ideas about how the world works.  Now your openness and compassion appears to be your  transparency and this is with deep serenity. 
 
Welcome home Eugene!                 
 

Meaning of Yin and Yang, by Masahiro Oko

FaceBook  On Aug 21, 2012 Syd wrote:
 The meaning of the yin and the yang is well put.  It seems to me, for there to be any stable relationship, one partner is submissive (normally female) and the other is directional (male)  When both people become directional this creates fighting.  There is also the yin and the yang from within, as my yang is my expectations and my yin is my serenity to the truth.  The truth is I do not want to suffer.  My expectations are meant to keep me from suffering, yet the truth is I never quite meet my expectations so I suffer.  When I feel my guilt, within deep self-consciousness, this is my yang and my yin is accepting the truth with emotional serenity.  Learning to experience life in truth takes a tremendous yin and without my reactive mind speaking a “yea but.”   The weight of my “should” and “ought” is felt and is even felt by everyone: not only should I do this or that so should everyone else.  So it seems the truth of the yin and yang is from within and is the ability to listen to my guilt without feeling guilty, from obligation to enthusiasm, from constraint to freedom.  Truly war and peace from within is my yin and yang and are the expectations I live with in reference to my suffering.