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Previous Comments By 'qjt283'

We Want Relief. Cure Is Painful, by Anthony de Mello

FaceBook  On Jul 18, 2018 Jodyne wrote:

 At my age [in mid-life] I hadn't considered that cure is painful. I've grown-up hearing that life is often painful, and that to progress [theough life] takes a lot of work. My parents talked a lot about 'having self-discipline' and that 'life was t easy' and 'that I'd have many [psychological and physical] challenges, but if I worked hard I could overcome any difficulty. 

So I find it curious when people struggle with their difficulties. I go to self-help groups, support groups, and Bible study groups and group members will be talking about issues I cannot identify with. It crossed my mind that I don't have their issues and challenges because I have a different viewpoint in life, and likely because I am from a different culture. 

 

The Japanese Word, Mu, by Robert Pirsig

FaceBook  On May 30, 2018 Jodyne wrote:

 Interesting...

 

Social Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman

FaceBook  On May 30, 2018 Jodyne wrote:

Toxic emotions or emotional poison is everywhere, and cannot be totally avoided. We can do our best to avoid it and this can contribute a lot to our own well being, but when it cannot be avoided we can remember that nothing others do is because of you.. they are responding to their own past experiences.  When I've accepted that, my next step is to select how I want to respond to the negative event, how I choose to respond contributes to my own peace of mind or not. When I am aware, I naturally choose to respond with understanding and kindness regardless of any unkindness and poison I have received. This choice makes my day better for me and MAYBE even for the abuser. Only kindness and love will draw another out of the pit of despair. But a negative response only keeps the emotional poison alive. 

 

Before You Know What Kindness Really Is, by Naomi Shihab Nye

FaceBook  On May 30, 2018 Jodyne wrote:

Marvelous expression :D
Reminds me of when a human life begins.. and the learning curve that begins even from within the womb.  How we come from a warm, protective place, where another life totally sustains us and nurtures us. Then we are born.. and other experiences are added that collectively sets us up to survive as an adult in the world. Our first experiences are nothing but kindness and love. After birth negative experiences happen, and when we are hungry, our hunger disappears with an act of kindness. When we are wet or messy and uncomfortable.. those sensations disappear with an act of kindness.  If we are cold, or lonely, the feelings soon disappear with an act of kindness. 

Going beyond these simple life lessons.. the parent or caregiver can contribute to a gain of positive life experiences or a negative experiences for the newborn and young child. If the caregiver responds to the newborn in a warm, responsive way, the child learns trust and love. But if the baby's cries are met with neglect and other forms of abuse, the child learns distrust and abuse. 

 

Who Do We Choose To Be?, by Margaret Wheatley

FaceBook  On May 30, 2018 Jodyne wrote:

 ~Who do I choose to be for this time?  - This is a great question because any change I affect on others starts with myself. How can I impact another soul if I have nothing to offer?     ~Are you willing to use whatever power and influence you have to create islands of sanity that evoke and rely on our best human qualities to create, produce, and persevere?   - If I have matured myself there comes a time when my desire is to help others experience the same joy I have attained. At the very heart of an individual is to thrive, and to love.    ~How do you relate to the notion that large-scale change is not possible?    - Large-scale change can only happen if individuals work on themselves, because working on others is not our job.. it's theirs. But in an interconnected world we do have a powerful influence and it will either be positive or negative.  - I have accepted that seeing large-scale change doesn't happen, nor will it ever.    ~Can you share a personal story of extraordinary leadership that helped create an island of sanity?    - An island of sanity can be created if we take good care of our selves. A healthy and well balanced individual creates an aura or a space for themselves of safety and strength, and anyone who comes into connection with such a person will be touched, and if they are open and ready to learn and grow they absorb or catch the attitude or influence which is life changing if they let it. A healthy and balanced individual is attractive and influential.   - The personal story I have is the one of my divorce.. I left an abusive relationship and our four kids understood why. They saw the positive change it had in the following years. I talked openly about what abuse was and not that they are grown (young adults), I see them respond to verbal abuse in such a strong and effective way, I am happy, and proud, they don't put-up with it. I've also  See full.

 ~Who do I choose to be for this time? 

- This is a great question because any change I affect on others starts with myself. How can I impact another soul if I have nothing to offer?  
 
~Are you willing to use whatever power and influence you have to create islands of sanity that evoke and rely on our best human qualities to create, produce, and persevere?
 
- If I have matured myself there comes a time when my desire is to help others experience the same joy I have attained. At the very heart of an individual is to thrive, and to love. 
 
~How do you relate to the notion that large-scale change is not possible? 
 
- Large-scale change can only happen if individuals work on themselves, because working on others is not our job.. it's theirs. But in an interconnected world we do have a powerful influence and it will either be positive or negative. 
- I have accepted that seeing large-scale change doesn't happen, nor will it ever. 
 
~Can you share a personal story of extraordinary leadership that helped create an island of sanity? 
 
- An island of sanity can be created if we take good care of our selves. A healthy and well balanced individual creates an aura or a space for themselves of safety and strength, and anyone who comes into connection with such a person will be touched, and if they are open and ready to learn and grow they absorb or catch the attitude or influence which is life changing if they let it. A healthy and balanced individual is attractive and influential.  
- The personal story I have is the one of my divorce.. I left an abusive relationship and our four kids understood why. They saw the positive change it had in the following years. I talked openly about what abuse was and not that they are grown (young adults), I see them respond to verbal abuse in such a strong and effective way, I am happy, and proud, they don't put-up with it. I've also been able to share my victory with anyone and in any group I am in. 
 
~What helps you commit to creating your island of sanity?
 
- Why would I want to leave a place of safety, peace and joy?
 

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Who Do We Choose To Be?, by Margaret Wheatley

FaceBook  On May 29, 2018 Jodyne wrote:

 I choose to be authentic and true to myself.  Am I living the Dream of the Planet? Am
I living out my own truths? Or, have I become so domesticated I have lost my own vision? 

 

Keeping Quiet, by Pablo Neruda

FaceBook  On May 29, 2018 Jodyne wrote:

 The reading makes a lot of sense to me and I see is displays great wisdom.  I understand that we are spiritual beings living a physical life; today, it seems the people on earth live more of a physical life style then a spiritual one. We also have grown a HUGE Tree of Knowledge within our heads, which means we live by knowledge rather then by instinct, we live in our heads rather then by heart. We live in a world of words rather then by silence, we live in an illusionary world of language and words instead of 'just knowing' without words. We have been domesticated and no longer living naturally. 

In a state of silence we can become aware of our truths, aware of our domestication, aware of where our hearts are and what we really want and what we really know. In a state of silence we get in touch with our spiritual side of ourselves and drop the illusion that language and knowledge have brought us, and live by truths instead of lies (which language, culture, have brought us to - the illusionary world). 

The people of the the earth need to get back to their hearts, back to discovery of truths they should live by. 

 

Exhausting Quest For Perfection, by Brene Brown

FaceBook  On May 23, 2018 Jodyne wrote:

 I remember the first time realizing that my mom was not perfect, It was pre-teen, and my mother told me something about me that I knew was not a truth for me, I don't even remember what it was, what the details were but the realization hit me that my mom was imperfect and not as God-like as I had been led to believe.  I think my biggest struggle with trying to be perfect was to try and maintain a marriage in which love and respect was lacking.  I tolerated abuses mentally and emotionally and my spirit was suffering. I believed that life was hard, and we had to work hard for anything worthy in life; in my case I wanted to be a goood wife, and to make God happy. In a way I was earning my salvation, yet at the same time knew that I could not work myself to heaven [according to my churches beliefs].  My wake-up call came when I realized I could no longer maintain peace between my husband and our pre-teen daughter, and I no longer wanted to be the family Peacemaker.  I had heard previously that in unhealthy and unbalanced relationships roleplaying and co-dependency existed; but deep in my heart I knew that each and every person was responsible for him or her self to relate well and be responsible only for themselves; and I could no longer play the role of peacekeeping between father and daughter.. they had to resolve it themselves, so I stepped aside and they begin to argue and fight, and they both begin to come to me to help resolve the stress between them.  As the days and and weeks and months passed it grew much worse, and I envisioned living in a chaotic home for the rest of my life where there was always tension and anger.  I envisioned my kids would grow up angry and offensive to each other and to us as parents.  I begin to pray often for insight and seek spiritual guidance, and it came to me one evening after I had retreated to my room to try and avoid the angry and bitter comments between my husband and preteen daughter.  See full.

 I remember the first time realizing that my mom was not perfect, It was pre-teen, and my mother told me something about me that I knew was not a truth for me, I don't even remember what it was, what the details were but the realization hit me that my mom was imperfect and not as God-like as I had been led to believe. 

I think my biggest struggle with trying to be perfect was to try and maintain a marriage in which love and respect was lacking.  I tolerated abuses mentally and emotionally and my spirit was suffering. I believed that life was hard, and we had to work hard for anything worthy in life; in my case I wanted to be a goood wife, and to make God happy. In a way I was earning my salvation, yet at the same time knew that I could not work myself to heaven [according to my churches beliefs].  My wake-up call came when I realized I could no longer maintain peace between my husband and our pre-teen daughter, and I no longer wanted to be the family Peacemaker.  I had heard previously that in unhealthy and unbalanced relationships roleplaying and co-dependency existed; but deep in my heart I knew that each and every person was responsible for him or her self to relate well and be responsible only for themselves; and I could no longer play the role of peacekeeping between father and daughter.. they had to resolve it themselves, so I stepped aside and they begin to argue and fight, and they both begin to come to me to help resolve the stress between them.  As the days and and weeks and months passed it grew much worse, and I envisioned living in a chaotic home for the rest of my life where there was always tension and anger.  I envisioned my kids would grow up angry and offensive to each other and to us as parents.

 I begin to pray often for insight and seek spiritual guidance, and it came to me one evening after I had retreated to my room to try and avoid the angry and bitter comments between my husband and preteen daughter. It was God speaking in my heart.. He said, "I gave these children (we had four children, all fairly close in age; of which the preteen was the eldest) two parents, to love, respect, protect and guide [as they grow up] and neither one of them is doing their job [right now]. 

That was the aha! moment, and I then took steps to show my kids we cannot live with abuse. I let go of my belief that  I could never get a divorce and be right with God.  A year after I left my husband I reflected briefly on my decision and the overwhelming feeling was that I had done the right thing for me, and for my kids.

It seems we humans try to control our lives and the lives of other beings to try and create a perfect life, a perfect world, a perfect family, a perfect marriage.. but perfection doesn't lie in outward appearance, nor can I compel, teach, or control others to achieve this state of being.. heaven on earth. But I can find peace [of mind], and discover joy when I live in the moment, knowing I did my best.. for myself, and in doing so did my best for the kids because I exampled life to them with authentically and honesty. 

Perfection has taken on a new meaning in my life.. it isn't a life of having no conflict, chaos or of receiving no hard knocks in life.. it is how we respond tho these difficulties and challenges. 

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Dropping Out, Like The Buddha, by Jane Brunette

FaceBook  On May 2, 2018 Quacinda wrote:

 Interesting quote.. "dropping out like the Buddha", a simple word can take the mind another direction.. to me, 'dropping' means 'falling', or 'having made a mistake', or 'being lower, and vulnerable', etc.  But I believe the gest of the phrase means something like 'facing your truth'.   Like many in the world I had been trained by well intended parents, another way to say it might be to say I had been domesticated.  But this training was based on someone else's mind, or thinking.   To behave in a manor my parents wanted to see - they wanted to see me being a 'good girl', and someone with admirable behavior.  But rote learning is just that, it is habitual behavior.  It did nothing to prepare me to think through my own circumstances and respond to life based on my own choices.  What finally 'woke me up' was the pain of my lifestyle, and then I was willing consider other voices with insight and advise.  But I first had to also overcome a belief that prevented me from hearing that voice.  That too was overcome out of desperation and the knowledge that I was going nowhere good in my life in it's current direction, with my current beliefs.  So, fear again, gives me the courage, the boost I needed to jump into another perspective, to give up long-held beliefs and adopt new beliefs.   Once I shed the old beliefs and became willing to try new pathways I discovered I could adopt new beliefs and thrive, all based on my own deductions about life issues and situations.   Specifically, what I had believed from my childhood was a lie: Divorce is NEVER acceptable to be a good Christian [woman].  Another lie: That I should NEVER tell ANYONE about my troubles except God.  No human ear could be trusted to hear my troubles and problems, and no tongue was qualified to give me insight, direction, suggestions, feedback, etc. because every human was fallible.   To this day I stil  See full.

 Interesting quote.. "dropping out like the Buddha", a simple word can take the mind another direction.. to me, 'dropping' means 'falling', or 'having made a mistake', or 'being lower, and vulnerable', etc.  But I believe the gest of the phrase means something like 'facing your truth'.  

Like many in the world I had been trained by well intended parents, another way to say it might be to say I had been domesticated.  But this training was based on someone else's mind, or thinking.   To behave in a manor my parents wanted to see - they wanted to see me being a 'good girl', and someone with admirable behavior.  But rote learning is just that, it is habitual behavior.  It did nothing to prepare me to think through my own circumstances and respond to life based on my own choices.  What finally 'woke me up' was the pain of my lifestyle, and then I was willing consider other voices with insight and advise.  But I first had to also overcome a belief that prevented me from hearing that voice.  That too was overcome out of desperation and the knowledge that I was going nowhere good in my life in it's current direction, with my current beliefs.  So, fear again, gives me the courage, the boost I needed to jump into another perspective, to give up long-held beliefs and adopt new beliefs.  

Once I shed the old beliefs and became willing to try new pathways I discovered I could adopt new beliefs and thrive, all based on my own deductions about life issues and situations.  

Specifically, what I had believed from my childhood was a lie: Divorce is NEVER acceptable to be a good Christian [woman].  Another lie: That I should NEVER tell ANYONE about my troubles except God.  No human ear could be trusted to hear my troubles and problems, and no tongue was qualified to give me insight, direction, suggestions, feedback, etc. because every human was fallible.  

To this day I still don't understand why my parents believed what they did or why they told me what they did.  But what I eventually discovered was that they DID, HONESTLY and SINCERELY LOVE ME.  As I passed the typical midlife point of my life, I [then] began to understand that being aware served me better then my fears.  

In my early 30's I had begun to understand that I did not have to tolerate verbal (psychological) abuse but I could not decide that until I became aware of my situation, and became aware that other people saw abuse for what it was and not just a test from God to be patient and accept the abuse with patience.  I became aware that I was responsible to come to my own conclusions about abuse and marriage [among other things] and not accept my parents interpretations of life.  

Only when I took charge of my own life could I say for sure I did my best based on my own calculations; and my heart knew peace.  

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Right Away is the Opposite of Now, by Jacob Needleman

FaceBook  On Sep 16, 2016 Jodyne wrote:

 "Right away" suggests intention and action, and stress; "now" suggests only this spotlight in time, and life as it IS [right now].   "Right away" suggests 'working a system of knowledge' to go somewhere in a fantacy world, "now" has no words, no thought.. and therefore no stress.  

Right after my divorce several years ago my goal became to find another partner ASAP, my reasoning was, to find a suitable life partner who could complete the family circle, but I found myself instead drifting into one relationship after another without attaining my goal; but once I stopped stressing about it, and gave focus to the kids, the family I already had - thus enjoying the moment, my joy returned, and in the process I found the life partner I have been hoping to find.  

What helps me from becoming a 'hungry ghost' is being real, and living by life's truths.