Waking up to Wisdom
In Stillness and Community

Un-learning the Ways of Un-love

--by Swami Chaitanya Keerti (Jan 07, 2008)

When you are absolutely happy in your aloneness, when the other is not a need, it is then that you are capable of love. If the other is your need, you can only exploit, manipulate, dominate but cannot love.

Because you depend on the other, possessiveness arises -- out of fear. "Who knows? The other is with me today; tomorrow he/she may not be with me. Who knows about the next moment?" [...] Out of that fear of the future, you become very possessive. You create bondage around the person you think you love.

But love cannot create a prison. If love creates a prison, then what is left for hatred to do? Love brings freedom -- love gives freedom. It is non-possessiveness. But that is possible only if you have known a totally different quality of love, one not of need but of sharing.

Love is sharing of overflowing joy. You are too full of joy, you cannot contain it, you have to share it. Then there is poetry, then there is something tremendously beautiful which is not of this world, something that comes from the beyond.

Often I say, learn the art of love. What I really mean is: learn the art of removing all that hinders love. It is a negative process. It is like digging a well -- you go on removing layers of earth, stones, rocks and then suddenly there is water. The water was always there as an undercurrent. When you remove all barriers, the water is available. So with love. Love is the undercurrent of your being. It is flowing, but there are many rocks, much earth to be removed. That's what I mean when I say: learn the art of love. It is really not learning love but un-learning the ways of un-love.

--Swami Chaitanaya Keerti

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Previous Reflections:

On Jan 8, 2008 nanouce wrote:
to find love it is something difficult,and to give this love its more difficult.Iwant to live love but icouldn't ,because it said that iam cold.....

On Jan 8, 2008 Aakshi wrote:

On Jan 8, 2008 Nirav wrote:
The words are so profound, so deep, so full of meaning a level that I already feel the essence of love being injected - just by reading ..I just wish that the feeling lingers on for ever and is there always on my breath the same time ..I would love to connect with people who also have the capability to experience this divinity ...i can be reached on

jai shri krishna

On Jan 8, 2008 Karen wrote:
I wish I was there.

On Jan 8, 2008 Christine wrote:
These words are so true... so meaningful. Something that I needed to be reminded of. I have been feeling very lonely and lost lately. If I truly loved myself I would not feel that way. Until I can truly love myself I cannot be fully capable of sharing my love with someone else...

On Jan 8, 2008 Maria wrote:
This really hit home, I am in a wonderful relationship, a truly beautiful being. We have recently both gone thru a job transition and I am becoming possesive/fearful that the relationship will change. I am fearful that he will become so caught up in the job and the new family (his coworkers) that he will forget about me and this wonderful relationship. HELP,email me at
Any suggestions?

On Jan 8, 2008 myrlene wrote:
This is very deep and meaningful.

On Jan 8, 2008 Anand wrote:
i do have a fair respect for those words..i do want to get it through my head and mind..on the contrary is it really practical..or happening around our there a gene inside our body who might mutate us to think like that..even if you are to change yourself..would you get the same from others..yeah i know..i am not supposed to discredit such wonderful peals of wisdom..possibly i have never come across such eliquent words..i have lost a lot in love..three times and i have been that guy who did not own anybody..i gave the lady all her freedom..i gave her equality..i gave her understanding..and i gave her love..unconditional love..the only thing i had in my heart was to spend the whole of my life with i am alone..since 8 years..and her thoughts get me to the bar..i drink ..wipe my tears..and forget about her..this is like a procedure for me i understand that Love is not blind..but i wish everybody love..i am looking for comfort myself..and i could listen to and console any other ..i could be reached on pardon me if i have said something wrong..

On Jan 8, 2008 reggie wrote:
truly amazing! it came at a time that am feeling so down....

On Jan 9, 2008 Amanda wrote:
Several people responding have asked for help. I'm not an expert, by any means, but I have come to find over the past several years that once I was no longer scared of being on my own, of being with out a romantic relationship, I was happier and experienced a freedom I never knew. Letting go of that fear allowed me to embrace who I am (and I'm still working on that!) and love me, really care about myself. It changed everything. After I came to this understanding I met an amazing man and we are both experiencing a love that neither of us have ever known.

Part of that learning for me came from books (The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle, CoDependent No More by Melody Bettie where both significant) - I grew through journaling my feelings so I recognized my fears, and I let go of people in my life that were unhealthy for me and began to find that in doing all this that supportive, healthy, loving individuals came into my life.

Love cannot live where there is already fear. Let go of what you cannot control and start loving yourself first.

On Feb 4, 2008 brvhrt wrote:
I am in love with my wife for the last 14 yrs. Our love is profound and unselfish, all these things that you have mentioned and it's because of who we have in th middle of the relationship. It's Jesus Christ, our Lord and our Savior. If my wife and I were 2 points on a triangle. Jesus is the Centre point of that triangle. As we get closer to Him, we both get closer! This is the Life He promises. Everything else is a cheap subsitute. :-)

On Nov 5, 2018 Bryce John Adalynn wrote:

 This writing is extremely thought provoking, I came across something similar earlier at and it is equally powerful.